Glenn Middleton - is he handsome enough for Stuart Cosgrove?

[26th of foot 6,084]

Yesterday, I was viewing the Scottish Cup semi-final between St Johnstone and St Boo. Midway through the second half, I thought the game needed a spark, a mercurial spirit to break the deadlock? Step forward Rangers on loan winger at the Perth Saints, Glenn Middleton. He arrived as a substitute and in five minutes, had swept in a handsome cross for a Kane tap in, and then curved a handsome 25 yard free kick into the roof of the net. Handsome is handsome and even bitter Saintee, Stuart Cosgrove must agree?

 

It is a conundrum. If we go back more than a couple of decades, Rangers faced St Johnstone in the Scottish Cup semi-final at Sellik Park. The Light Blues ran out comfortable winners, four zip and it appeared all too much for the Soulful Saintee. Post match, sitting in Queen Street station with a few mates awaiting the train to Perth, Stuart took to drink. As his mates boarded the choo-choo, Doctor Stuart bellowed, "can you spot a handsome H-u-n"? It's a call and response song, having asked the question, DrStu answered, "No, no, no". Those witnessing such embarrassment saw further disgrace visited upon Dennistoun's working class hero when the British Transport Police intervened and charged him with Breach of the Peace. Of course, these days Humza would insist on Aggravated Breach.

 

Cosgrove appeared on the front page of the News of the World and he took to his own column in the Daily Record to further question, "well, has anyone actually seen a handsome h-u-n"? Amid the sweep of the Dennistoun Drives, Stuart is acknowledged as a glittering young Adonis. It's the terroir of all those terraced private gardens, the cultivated Red-Leb' is seriously strong. It's that, or it's sharing chauffeured cars with Murdoch McLennan and lunching at Gamba with Neil Doncaster that stimulates DrStu's question.

 

Cosgrove has a long term  H term habit. He has penned articles describing meeting Rangers supporters in Falkirk railway station as, "h-u-ns and typical orange wankers", habitually introduced a guest, Largs based Janitor, Chris Connor as, "the H-u-n with a heart" on Off the Ball and loved labelling Craig Whyte on the Rangers Tax Case Blog as, "H-u-nbelievable". Even when his mates like Irvine Welsh describe Morelos as, "a sticky bun" live on Hibs TV, Stuart does not Call it Out. It is his preferred prejudice and he sits extremely comfortably with it.

 

We should remember all this because the coming weekend sees Rangers receive the Premiership trophy. Cosgrove will revert to type, clutching his script provided by Glasgow City Council's PRO, Gerry Braiden. He will repeat again, his verdict on celebrating Bears, "simply a disgrace". It's akin to those hoary old Radio One DJs back in the day; Dave Lee Travis and Noel Edmonds arriving breathlessly in front of the mike to tell tales of weekend supermarket openings. Cosgrove will comment on his book sales, flag up his availability for book signings and, stick the boot in the h-u-ns.  Glenn Middleton is getting uglier by the minute.