Tam Cowan

[ian1964 10,761]

Neil Lennon will turn into a coach at midnight

By Tam Cowan on Oct 30, 10 09:54 AM in

 

According to the rumours, Neil Lennon is going out for his Hallowe'en dressed as a pumpkin. He's hoping he'll turn into a coach at midnight.

 

The Celtic boss has already had the Willies put up him this week - first it was referee Collum then linesman Conquer - but what's even scarier is the rubber-faced bloke from Angola who can put a can of Coke in his cakehole and has now been credited with the biggest mouth in the world.

 

Surely Celtic will now fire off a letter to the Guinness Book of Records to point out that Lennon's gub is even bigger?

 

Sending a formal complaint to the SFA on the same day it was reported Willie Collum had received vile death threats was really classy, eh?

 

That's about as sensitive as delivering a box of Leonard Cohen CDs to Lennon's door when the news broke he was suffering from depression.

 

Don't Celtic realise the guy they're effectively writing to is Hugh Dallas - a man who had both his head and his windows cracked open after another mental Old Firm fixture back in 1999?

 

And are the morons who threatened Collum and his young family not bright enough to realise we don't have a game without the referees?

 

Three goals of a start wasn't good enough for Lennon at Perth in midweek - he still wanted to castigate the linesman after he raised his flag for the sort of decision you'll see every week.

 

Mainly because he must have been touching cloth when St Johnstone fought back and Celtic nearly blew it.

 

But well done, Lenny. After your verbal attack on Collum in the wake of last Sunday's defeat - pummelled at home by your oldest rivals after getting a goal of a start - hardly anyone was talking about a truly abject team performance.

 

So your plan worked.

 

In saying that, well done also to the vast majority of Celtic fans who, after slamming the death threats, have turned their attention away from the ref to focus on that woeful display from the players.

 

How many Celtic supporters now fancy writing to the club to seek "clarification" over why Glenn Loovens keeps getting a game? And why is Lennon even writing to the SFA when he should be saving the first-class stamps for Loovens' P45?

 

Loovens and Daniel Majstorovic are the worst double act since Cannon and Ball. And the rest of the Celtic team didn't exactly cover themselves in glory at Parkhead last Sunday.

 

Sure, he was terrific as Jaws in the James Bond movies but Frather Forthter was toothless against Rangers and set up their second goal with a dreadful clearance.

 

Pound for pound, it was a bigger blunder than Collum's.

 

And if Mark Wilson keeps insisting on crossing the ball and attempting half-volleys at goal, I think the club will have to deploy ballboys at Glasgow Cross.

 

Fresh from being caught on camera calling Dougie McDonald a "f****** cheat" (four times, remember) what does Lenny have to say about the players who fleeced 50,000 Celtic fans last Sunday lunchtime?

 

Lennon denies whipping up the frenzy that led to the death threats. Bollocks. He started it at Tannadice by spitting, screaming and snarling in the fourth official's face.

 

"Until last weekend, I didn't have a problem with any referees," he claimed. Aye right. Have you forgotten the Tasmanian Devil routine with Stuart Dougal at Ibrox?

 

Incidentally, blaming Collum for the penalty at Parkhead is like blaming Dougal for Charlie Mulgrew's infamous red card at Ibrox.

 

Both whistlers were simply deceived by a cheating Rangers player. However, I still say Broadfoot's biggest crime last week was giving Lennon a Get Out Of Jail Free card and allowing the Celtic boss to yap on about the penalty - when his side was already gubbed - rather than talk about a terrible team performance.

 

And make no mistake, until he was conned by Broadfoot's belly flop, Collum had been enjoying a much better game than Celtic's overpaid foreign mercenaries.

 

Actually, that's a point. Just days before the Old Firm match, Collum took charge of a big Champions League group game between Schalke and Hapoel Tel Aviv.

 

So why the hell is he getting a lecture from a Celtic boss - thumped already by Utrecht and Braga - who can only dream of operating at that level?

 

Ps: Jim Jefferies (or was it really Vladimir Romanov?) says Scotland's match officials should get a grip and react to criticism the same way managers and players do.

 

What, by just blaming it all on the refs?

 

Pps: According to regular reader Colin Graham, two local teams were playing an amateur cup-tie in the north of Scotland and the ref failed to appear.

 

So they went to the pub and asked a retired match offical if he'd do it. As you can imagine, sobriety hadn't been high on his agenda and the first time the ball went out for a shy one of the players asked: "Whose ball, ref?"

 

To which he replied: "It's ours."

 

Can you imagine the outcry if that happened in the next Old Firm game?

[stewarty 2,060]

Cowan doesn't hold back any punches there - not bad since he probably dislikes both sides of the OF in equal measure.

[Gazza_8 233]

He had his usual wee dig at Rangers also.

 

Fat chunt!

[Zappa 0]

The guy hates Rangers & Celtic and goes out of his way to mock both teams. He thinks he's funny & tbh, sometimes he actually is funny. Not as often as he thinks though!