A day in the life of Robbie Keane on transfer day

[Gazza_8 233]

Stolen from an irish football forum....

 

A (TRANSFER DEADLINE) DAY IN THE LIFE OF ROBERT DAVID KEANE (AGED 29)

 

12pm: Get up and eat hearty Irish breakfast. It's going to be another long transfer deadline day chez Keane. I've been a massive fan of transfer deadline day all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

12.45pm: Mmm, that was tasty. I've been a massive fan of rashers, eggs, sausages, baked beans, black pudding, soda bread and black tea all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

1.30pm: Knock on lid of sunbed and ask Claudine where designer washbag is. She says she'll pack it for me when she's finished topping up her tan. She's been a massive fan of UV rays, going back to when she was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

1.35pm: Check tabloid websites to see which teams I'm being linked with. Ooh! Sunderland and the Queen's Celtic. I haven't played for either before, but like Wolves, Coventry, Inter, Dirty Leeds, Spurs and Liverpool, I've been a massive fan of both clubs all my life, going back to when I was kid growing up in Dublin.

 

1.50pm: Print off template of stock unveiling speech that's served me so well down the years: "It's absolutely fantastic, a real dream come true for me. I've been a [insert team name in here] fan all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin, and I always had a [insert team name in here] shirt on my back. So, to be here now as a [insert team name in here] player is incredible and I couldn't be happier ..."

 

2pm: Mr 10% hasn't called, so knock on lid of sunbed to ask Claudine what I should do next. She says to check to see if there's any reporters from Sky Sports News standing shivering outside the house. I've been a massive fan of Sky Sports News all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

2.05pm: Dash to window and look, but can't see any reporters from Sky Sports News.

 

4pm: Remember to open curtains and see inquisitive face of shivering, microphone-wielding eejit in Sky Sports puffa jacket staring back at me. I've been a massive fan of Andy Burton all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

4.30pm: Get call from Mr 10% - the Queen's Celtic have come in for me!!! That's great news. I've been a massive fan of the Queen's Celtic all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

4.35pm: Get on AA route-finder. 401.4 miles!?!?!? I can't get there by the deadline at 5pm.

 

5.40pm: Ring Mr 10% to explain predicament. Apparently the transfer window in Scotland doesn't close until midnight, so I've time to get a flight. A flight? I've been a massive fan of flying all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

5.45pm: Knock on lid of sunbed and tell Claudine we're moving to Glasgow.

 

5.50pm: Orange arm emerges from sunbed holding Armani washbag containing cheese sandwiches and a Lucozade bottle full of cold tea. I've been a massive fan of packed lunch all my life going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin.

 

5.55pm: Leave house, step over frozen corpse of microphone-wielding man in Sky Sports puffa jacket. Drive to airport, get on plane.

 

9pm: Appear before press at Queen's Celtic Park wearing green and white hoops, the colours of Queen's Celtic who I've been a massive fan of all my life, going back to when I was a kid growing up in Dublin. "It's absolutely unbelievable. I always wanted to play for the [Queen's] Celtic and it works out well for both parties."

 

9.05pm: Check fixture list. Next up it's Kilmarnock away. I've been a massive fan of Kilma � actually no, I've never heard of them.