Rousseau

The ruling club in Germany, they’re the team to pick if you like success by proxy and/or infighting. Current kit. Mascot.

Dominant. Confident. Possession-based. Can tear apart anyone on a good day.

Bayern went into the season with their beloved manager Niko Kovač. After all, they won the domestic double the previous season, how could anyone think he could not be the right man for the job? It all started about as well as few people expected and many hoped: a 2-2 draw against Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin. A 6-1 beating of Mainz on MD3 was followed by a 1-1 draw against one of the designated contenders for the league title, RB Leipzig. Talk about being off to a rocky start.

Two close victories against underdogs barely known in Europe 一 3-2 against Paderborn and 7-2 against Tottenham in the Champions League 一 saw the common Bayern fan’s mind torn. League performances varied wildly, oscillating from good performances to shoddy ones, whereas the thrashing of Tottenham elevated them to the hallowed spots of “serious contender for the title”, for whatever reason. Fans all over wondered whether Kovač could rise to the occasion and transform an undoubtedly highly talented squad into the unstoppable machine everyone either loved or feared.

Those musings were cut short when Bayern lost to Hoffenheim four days after their Champions League gala and drew against Augsburg. It was decided in the public’s eye: Kovač had to go. Bayern’s top dogs persisted, for the time being. A scruffy 2-1 victory against promoted side Union Berlin certainly wasn’t the convincing display they had hoped for, however.

But it all changed when the Hessian nation attacked. Dominating a collapsing Bayern side, Kovač’ former club Frankfurt comfortably won 5-1 and cut his tenure at the Bavarian side short. His assistant manager, Hansi Flick, took his spot and quickly restored the club to its former glory. Bayern’s incredible record across all competitions since that fabled day: 18 wins, one draw, two losses. Four points clear domestically of second-placed Dortmund, facing Frankfurt again in the DFB-Pokal semi-final, and having beaten Chelsea 3-0 in the first leg of the Champion’s League Ro16, another double is ripe for the taking, and they are among the closest candidates for the Champions League trophy.

In a team of superstars, one youngster outshines them all. Despite Robert Lewandowski scoring goal after goal, despite Thiago being a midfield maestro, it’s the 19-year-old Alphonso Davies you should watch. Arguably among the best left-backs in Europe already despite clearly having lots of room left for improvement, it’s a joy to witness him on the field. Raw, yet so good already.

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The team to choose when you like surprises and suffering. Will they play entertaining, fluent attacking football, or will they behave like eleven developmentally challenged donkeys? Nobody knows! Current kit. Mascot.

Ideally: Confident, making it look easy, creative. Young talents tearing it up.
Realistically: Like the above until they score the lead, then they drop back and poop their pants hoping the smell will stop the opponent from attacking.

Having thrown away their best chance at the league title in years, manager Lucien Favre was under a lot of pressure. To make it short: he hasn’t failed spectacularly so far, although he’s come close several times. Dropping out of the DFB-Pokal against Bremen who, as we shall see, are among the worst teams currently in the league, and crashing out of the Champions League against PSG right before the pandemic-related shutdown, it’s tough to see how Dortmund’s season could not be considered a failure already. Even the league looked dire in the first leg, Dortmund only placing fourth. But with the arrival of Erling Haaland and Emre Can, and a formational switch to a 3-4-3, they successfully turned it around and went on to win all league games in the second leg bar one. Now in second place overall, they can focus purely on the league and properly challenge Bayern.

While Erling Haaland’s impact can’t be denied and Jadon Sancho is an amazing player, Julian Brandt has that special spark. He’s a man of outstanding, magical moments, and he makes it seem so easy. If the pure footballing joy he oozes doesn’t reach your heart, you’ve never truly loved football.

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Anyone who’s ever visited a thread vaguely about Leipzig knows one thing: they’re either the saviour of German football, or Satan incarnate. If you like being edgy on the internet (or want a mascot that’s basically just a fursuit), you know what to do. Current kit. Mascot.

Quick, energetic, highly tactical. Can easily steamroll their opponent.

It didn’t take them long to find their footing under their new manager Julian Nagelsmann. Going into the winter break in the top spot, they definitively proved to be among the best in German football. They would have gone through to the Champions League quarter-finals by now, if it weren’t for that pesky virus.

Not everything’s sunshine and merriment in East Germany, but let’s get back to football. In the league’s second leg, Leipzig’s performance has dropped significantly, with a record of 3 wins, 4 draws and 1 loss. A mixed bag of results, certainly not terrible but not enough if they want to challenge for the title, and consequently they’ve dropped down to third place, one point behind Dortmund.

Many thought Dani Olmo, their record (winter) transfer, would push them to the next level. So far, however, he has underperformed majorly. The standout player to me is Christopher Nkunku, who has shown brilliant technical abilities and amassed 14 assists already. One of the many amazing young French players.

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For when you want to smugly say, “No, not that one, the other Borussia. Have you heard about them?” Current kit. Mascot.

Strong on counters, very physical, extreme pressing. Very hit or miss whether they show up in terms of performance and attitude. Also quite wasteful with their chances.

As is a trend among the Bundesliga top teams, Gladbach is also under a new tenure, with Marco Rose coming in from RB Salzburg to replace Dieter Hecking. Throughout the season, they have shown glimpses of what they’re capable of, e.g. by defeating Bayern or Roma in the Europa League. Couple that with baffling losses, as seen in their defeat against promoted Union Berlin or the quite frankly embarrassing 0-4 against Wolfsberger AC in their Europa League opening match, and you have a good impression of how their season has progressed thus far. Marco Rose’s tactics don’t always come to fruition and the squad is lacking in creative players while also still having to adapt to Rose’s style, but their matches usually are very entertaining to watch with their attacking prowess and defensive mishaps. If they manage to fully embrace Rose’s tactics and iron out the kinks, they could very well be a regular in the Champions League.

The way Marcus Thuram proficiently dribbles in tight spaces despite his size is astonishing to watch, no matter how often he just swoops past defenders. A joy to watch.

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You like winning matches, but not titles. Current kit. Whatever the hell this is.

Boszball, baby! Super high possession, lots and lots of passes. Sometimes on the boring side since it’s much less suicidal than his stint at Dortmund.

Leverkusen, always good enough to win silverware, yet constantly failing to live up to the deserved expectations. Their talented squad 一 Kai Havertz, Leon Bailey, Moussa Diaby, Jonathan Tah, Paulinho, to name some 一 didn’t have the greatest set of pre-season friendlies. The outlook was dire, Peter Bosz was down for the count before the season had even really begun. But they persevered and are now in fifth place. After winning a whopping two matches in the Champions League group stage and losing the rest, they are very close to reaching Europa League quarter-finals after defeating Glasgow Rangers 3-1. Facing fourth division side Saarbrücken in the DFB-Pokal semi-final, their hope for finally winning something is as high as ever. They also won one of the arguably most thrilling league matches of the season, a spectacular 4-3 against Dortmund.

Fun fact: in their Champions League opening match against Moscow, Leverkusen had 78% possession and racked up a whopping 874 passes (according to whoscored). Nevertheless, they lost 1-2.

It took him a while to get regular playing time, but good performances helped Moussa Diaby secure his spot in the starting eleven. As is tradition for French talents, his technical skill is exceptional. Of course, if you want to watch a future worldie, there’s always Kai Havertz.

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Listen to your heart. If what you hear is the low drone of misery, loathing and pain, and you’d like to see that reflected in your football team of choice, then Schalke is the burning garbage pile of your dreams. Current kit. Existence is pain.

Started off decently enough after former manager Tedesco’s disaster defensive style, but have regressed to passivity, hoping for Amine Harit to do something, anything.

They won four of their first six league fixtures, resulting in plenty of talk about the Malocher Club’s resurgence. That didn’t pan out, though. In the league’s second leg, they drew four matches and lost three, with only one win. Ten points behind fifth placed Leverkusen, no one in Gelsenkirchen is talking about the title, and after losing to Bayern in the Pokal, it appears their sole focus this season lies on finishing in international spots.

I asked a Schalke fan what it’s like to be a follower of the royal blues. He said, “There is the solitude of suffering, when you go through darkness that is lonely, intense, and terrible. Words become powerless to express your pain; what others hear from your words is so distant and different from what you are actually suffering.” Small black bugs crawled out of his ears as he uttered these words in the voice of a thousand wailing souls. They gnawed at his flesh right before my eyes, yet he didn’t scream, didn’t blink. He seemed almost relieved.

I inquired further about his views on football in general. He answered, “We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.” It was then that the torrent of bugs halted. All was quiet bar his pained wheeze. Birds had been chirping outside; they were silent now, as was the wind. Slowly, he sank to the ground, engulfed in a colourless liquid. Finally, he was free of this mortal coil.

Fun fact: in their last match against Bayern, they accumulated a total of 116 successful passes. Bayern’s Joshua Kimmich alone had 155.

The most fun any Schalke player has provided this season is Alexander Nübel, future goalkeeper of Bayern and a sensational talent par excellence. Not that his replacement was any better.

2 minutes ago, blueflag said:

@Rousseau i'm afraid due to a technical issue with the database today, your PM to gaffer may have got lost 

Strike my last post. There was no PM, no threat. 

 

I am merely a victim, trying to do my best for the GPL (Peter). 

In a GersNet post of 9 May, @Gaffer made a very serious allegation.

 

This allegation has been entirely unsupported by any evidence, either then or since. If anyone has any alleged evidence of wrongdoing, they must bring it forward.

 

The allegation was so serious and defamatory that the GersNet Prediction League’s Legal Counsel (Peter) immediately sent Gonzo, Bill and Frankie who sought a commitment from Gaffer that it would not be repeated.

 

This was a wholly appropriate and proportionate legal response to an entirely unfounded and damaging allegation.

 

That was the only respect in which Gaffer was called upon not to repeat what had been alleged and what had been threatened.

 

On no conceivable basis could this be considered as ‘threat’.

 

It is noteworthy that there is not a shred of evidence in the so-called post to support the allegation made or to justify the threat.

56 minutes ago, Gaffer said:

I'm calling for @Rousseau to be suspended pending an inquiry.  I've received threats from @Bill, @Frankie and @Gonzo79 but I will not surrender.

 

Check your PMs. 

9 minutes ago, Gonzo79 said:

I've liked Hamburg for a few years (Albertz, their terrific socks and their No Surrender banner vs the yahoos).  They've been garbage for a few years and don't look returning to the top flight at the moment.  

 

I do enjoy watching German football - the whole set-up is good, from the fans, the actual quality of football, to the way the clubs are run.

I have a soft spot for Hamburg too. 

 

They're currently third in 2. Bundesliga, which is the play-off spot. I don't think they'll be catching Arminia Bielefeld and Stuttgart, but promotion is not out of their reach. 

I like watching Leipzig, because of Nagelsmann, who took charge in the summer and is a favourite coach of mine. 

Anyone got a German team?

The Bundesliga will resume behind closed doors on 16 May, becoming the first European league to restart following the coronavirus shutdown.

 

One of the games on the day of relaunch will be the derby between Schalke and Borussia Dortmund.

 

Champions Bayern Munich, who are four points clear at the top of the table, travel to Union Berlin on Sunday.

 

Most teams have nine games to play, with the final weekend of the season rescheduled for 27-28 June.

 

The German Football Association (DFB) said the season would resume under strict health protocols that ban fans from the stadium and require players to have Covid-19 testing.

 

[...]

 

Fixtures

 

Saturday 16 May

Augsburg v Wolfsburg

Borussia Dortmund v Schalke

Eintracht Frankfurt v Borussia Monchengladbach

Fortuna Dusseldorf v Paderborn

Hoffenheim v Hertha Berlin

RB Leipzig v Freiburg

 

Sunday 17 May

Cologne v Mainz

Union Berlin v Bayern Munich

 

Monday 18 May

Werder Bremen v Bayer Leverkusen

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/52576780

My Carra Challenge PL XI (separate clubs, separate nations):

 

Schmeichel (Leicester, Denmark)

 

Lewis (Norwich, N. Ireland)
Ogbonna (West Ham, Italy)
Kompany (Man City, Belgium)
Azpilicueta (Chelsea, Spain)

 

Milivojevic (Crystal Palace, Serbia)
Gerrard (Liverpool, England)
Boufal (Southampton, Morocco)  Fleck (Sheffield Utd, Scotland)

 

Bale (Tottenham, Wales)
Henry (Arsenal, France) 
Ronaldo (Man Utd, Portugal)

 

I had to go with relatively recent, because I was struggling otherwise! 
 

I'm sure I've missed easier/better ones. 

 

Edit: Bale played for Southamption too, so Boufal's out. 

We should have a go at the Carra Challenge: A PL XI, with players from separate clubs and nations. (e.g. If you pick Ronaldo (Man Utd) then you can't have any other player from Portugal or Man Utd in your XI.)

9 minutes ago, Gribz said:

For me:

 

Leno

 

Babbel Huth Rudiger Ziege

 

Podolski Ballack Gundogan Schweinsteiger Sane

 

Klinsmann

Leno!?

 

Lehmann is more dependable, surely?

 

My German XI is better.  

That's easy: remove Zola and Materazzi, draft in Mertesacker and Ozil.

 

German XI:

 

Lehmann

 

Rudiger - Mertesacker - Boateng

 

Ballack - Schweinsteiger - Gundogan

 

Ozil

 

Gnabry - Klinsmann - Sane

 

Italian XI:

 

Cudicini

 

Panucci - Materazzi - Ranocchia - Emerson

 

Di Matteo - Jorginho - Acquilani 

 

Zola

 

Vialli - Montella

 

Acquilani was absolute rubbish at Liverpool, but he's a talented metronome, as shown by his performances in Italy. 

 

Most of these guys have not been that great in the PL. 

4 hours ago, Gribz said:

I'll work on this squad today. Had a refreshment last night so head is a bit sticky.

 

My first thought was the Chelsea keeper Cudicini (sp?) and Dino Baggio played also.

 

After that perhaps a combined Portugal / Belgium squad. Then an African XI as well.

I had Cudicini down, but then I thought Lehmann won more; the former was more of back-up 'keeper too. 

1 hour ago, Gribz said:

Getting ahead of yourself...Not letting the thread mellow. 

 

Head rush..I get it.

 

No worries. Im cooking the soup on these dicussions....

 

Me / Compo / Scott Will blow your XI by the way.

I got too excited...

German / Italian combined XI:

 

Lehmann

 

Rudiger - Materazzi - Boateng

 

Ballack - Schweinsteiger - Gundogan

 

Zola

 

Gnabry - Klinsmann - Sane

 

I could add Mertesacker and Ozil and then there's no spot for an Italian -- I can't leave out Zola, though. 

My French XI:

 

Lloris

 

Laporte - Blanc - Desailly

 

Viera - Makalele - Deschamps

 

Ginola
   

Cantona - Henry - Anelka

1 minute ago, Gribz said:

Blind?? You must be very young.

 

Have a look back at the French squad and pick a team there also.

It's his style. I prefer the technical ability over a Davids-type player. 

I need to go 3-3-1-3 a la Bielsa to get the players in I want!

 

Van der Sar

 

Stam -  Martins Indi - Van Dijk

 

Wijnaldum - Blind - de Guzman

 

Van der Vaart

 

Robben - Van Nistlerooy - Overmars

 

You're not getting the ball off that team. 

 

Bobby Petta just misses out.

 

Is that Mario Melchiot you are picking? I didn't think he was that great. 

 

Is it going by their time in the PL, or what they did at their peak?

 

Janmaat is a better RB.

 

Reiziger played for Middlesbrough towards the end of his career. 

 

 

I forgot how attacking that formation was. It was a front three of Arveladze, Mols and Cannigia, with DeBoer playing in behind. 

 

I noticed it was from Amoruso to the front three quite often. I wonder if that is what people mean when they want it played forward quicker? 

 

I appreciate the sentiment but it's not the most stable way of playing. 

Teams still play that way, but it's not the starting formation, it's the formation they transition into when they are attacking. 

 

Guardiola has his teams playing that way, in essence. 

Are they not showing it on the TV this weekend? @ian1964

Greaves recorded 6 hat-tricks, so 18 of those 44 goals came in just 6 games. (I believe those hat-tricks came against some of the same sides too.)

 

Clearly he shone bright, but surely Rooney gets bonus points for longevity?

 

What does 'greatest' actually mean? Is Negri our greatest striker for his one wonder season, or is McCoist for doing it over several seasons?

 

(Can you tell I'm bored... ?) 

I was going to say crossing is overrated, but I wonder if it's because you very rarely see it done well now? 

 

The top sides prefer a cut back to the edge of the box. There are very few natural target men now, too.