26th of foot

Identification of the Enemy. During my professional training, I was always told by the old sweats that the HARDEST thing was to identify the enemy. There was no point in returning fire until there had been a clear identification and a subsequent fire control order. In reality, it proved a lot more difficult than in training, even with those big anecdotal indicators. Gersnetters are firing off in every direction, the enemy has wandered off with a smile on their faces. I suggest a weapons tight situation be applied, until someone identifies the trolls.

The Petroltank Cup? In the week of announcement that Chris Sutton has joined Michael Stewart and John Hartson as Sellik TV's new commentary team, the big Englishman has once again been described as, 'cheeky'. Chris decided to hide his sneering disappointment at Sellik's poor performances in French friendlies, by being disrespectful to a couple of football sponsors. Veolia put up the cup that Rangers won, in opposition to Nice, Lyon, and ra Sellik. Violia are I believe a waste management firm, but still they paid for clubs to travel, their accommodation, and a trophy. Chris utilised his razor-sharp wit to say, "Rangers can place that trophy beside their petroltank cup". Petrofac are a service provider to the oil industry. Again, like Violia, they provided much needed sponsorship to Scottish football at a time when investment is hard to come by. Being disrespectful is okay, if you are sticking it on the H-u-ns and you know Hollicom has got your back. The Green Brigade are anti-racism protesters and activists, Chris is cheeky. Chris has an opportunity this coming season, he can come off ra Sellik TV gantry, travel 20-30 yards, where both Shifty McGifty and Rod the Fraud Mckenzie sit in the Main Stand. Those two are Chair and Secretary of the SPFL Board, he can ask if they have a sponsor going forward with the SPFL? Now, his Sellik TV colleague, Michael Stewart was at pains during his last BBC Scotland appearance(seven weeks ago) to tell the listeners that Murdoch, Neil, and Rod were all throughly decent guys. They won't mind Chris sticking his big nose into their half time pie and bovril? Hollicom can arrange it, Tom Boyd can host the love-in. It's the cheeky description that grates; from memory, Chris is a declared bankrupt, an adulterer, and absent father. Hollicom smoke and mirrors are wonderful. Last week, Damian Duff did a piece in the press about his time as a 16 year old apprentice at Blackburn Rovers. It was the time of Rovers being crowned Premiership kings and playing in the Champions League. Shearer and Sutton were the club's front two. He talks of the hazing that came the way of apprentices, remarked in today's world some of what happened was worthy of jail time. Cleaning boots and toilets, scrubbing dressing room and shower floors, and carrying the hampers. Duff singled out Sutton for being their main tormentor. The example he provided was of Sutton crapping in a plastic bag and leaving it lying on the dressing room floor. Now, I understand what Hollicom mean by, 'cheeky'. Another beneficiary of Hollicom-speak last week, was Glasgow City Council employee, Stephen McIntosh. His duties include raising the Saltire above the City Chambers every morning. He decided to swap the national standard for a Sellik nine-in-a-row flag, and hoisted the pysh-stained rhag above George Square. One would expect nationalist Convenor, Susan Aitken to be anguished at the relegation of the beloved Saltire? No, she chose to go with the Hollicom interpretation, 'flag-gag'.

Tom and Chris. It's an interesting dynamic, Chris McLaughlin is BBC Scotland's Sports News Correspondent. Whereas, Tom English is BBC Scotland's Chief Sports Writer. Seldom, do the two appear in the same broadcast. Hefty designations, hefty egos, and hefty ambitions. Maybe, no studio is big enough to accommodate those two swinging dicks? I suspect it's a relief to Big Dick that he doesn't have to adjudicate? Currently, the deciding factor would have to be, who presents the most convivial ear to a most demanding Peter? Chris spent a decade on his knees, but got up to walk out with Eilidh Barbour. The Sky Presenter took over the Ladies Golf gig and found the spikey shoes a comfortable fit. Comfortable footwear led to rug consumption, and Chris was left standing small. Has Peter rubbed soothing salve upon Chris's bruised appendage, made him feel more important again? After yesterday's contribution from Tom English, I think Peter will be reaching for the lubrication. Whilst discussing Lawwell's decision to take firmer control of the SPFL by rejoining the Board, Tom English over exposed himself. He stated, "Peter Lawwell doesn't say much, why is he publicly pressurising the Scottish Government? Of course, simultaneously he is vociferously briefing off the record against the administration". He added, "all be it to the journalists of one paper". Tom said Peter's words and phrases were too strong and wondered if they would be effective? Nicola's cabinet contains a number of Sellik-minded folks, Humza Yousaf, Michael Matheson, Roseanna Cunningham, ... etc and Peter's demand that Scotland must not be left behind and grounds must be nominated as test pilots for crowds returning by October, will concentrate the First Minister's mind on her fiftieth birthday. The Daily Record is Peter's weapon of choice in this regard, Chris will be on a warning order. A Journo scorned is proving insightful at the moment. How long before Peter summons Tom for necessary discipline?

I demand an open top bus tour tomorrow. Govan and Kinning Park beware, la coupe tenue en l'air. The Blue Star Club is doing a celebratory Croissant and square sausage.

Bonjour, bonjour, nous sommes les garcons Billie. As yet, I believe not banned in la Belle France.

After two 2-zip victories, have we won La Ligue? How did Dundee vote?

If it is Rob MacLean? It's official, he is now the commentator for Red TV. It's official, Rob is an official cnut.

Comparisons? PQ continues to attempt to broadcast careful hatred. Ryan Kent's red card in a Lyon friendly has Cosgrove frothing. To be precise, the fact the French FA appear not to be reporting the fact to the SFA, has DrStu' making ridiculous comparisons. After admitting he had not seen the incident, he compared Kent's lack of Scottish suspension with Manchester City's successful appeal overturning their ban from Euro competition under Fair Play regulations. DrStu' wondered aloud at the padded envelope required to effect such a decision? Rangers travel from being super skint to being able to stuff wedges of cash into big bubble padded envelopes. Being the bad guys of football is our place; well, apart from when we are standing on the sidelines raging and beelin'. DrStu' ruminating on errors made in dealing with the Covid pandemic stated, "the Rangers against Leverkusen game was a mistake". A plague on our house. Often in PQ, it's the stuff they don't talk about is where the hypocrisy lives. They have Professor Jason Leitch on for 40 minutes again today, in hindsight, why don't they ask him about the Edinburgh hosted Nike conference in the third week of February? Was that a mistake? Awkward questions are like awkward folks, should be confined to care homes. I wonder how many still surviving in Scottish care homes will be joining Cosgrove in sending the First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon a fiftieth birthday gift? DrStu' announced he would be sending Nicola an Off the Ball mug. Big Dick allows his mask to slip by stating, "the fans having paid their season tickets, will demand more biased commentary". This relates to his beloved RED TV having hired Rob MacLean to bring his particularly biased musings to the Dandy Dons hordes. As stated, the hypocrisy lies in what is not said, where's Mikey? What fans TV station is Michael Stewart bringing biased commentary to?

Zesty!

Oh, don't worry about Alison; she has her Hollicom mouth full.

Sounds like you were visiting a Dominatrix in the west end? Before you ask, I refrain as I do not possess the necessary discipline.

The Black Dog Trio. We have to admire the Hollicom masterstroke that was Leigh Griffiths first disappearance. Strong rumours had Leigh in serious debt, involved in uncontrolled gambling, and on the gear? The provided narrative was Leigh suffered from the black dog. The tsunami of both sympathy and empathy was overwhelming. Politicians, fellow footballers, celebrities, .... etc wanted to be seen standing with Leigh as he faced his greatest battle. His manager, Neil Lennon had admitted his own battles with depression and he simpered it was okay to feel the way one does, and was prepared to stay strong with Leigh. In undue haste, another troubled soul lent his shoulder to the wheel. Breathlessly, tugging on the Hollicom jersey, the Herald's football Journo, Neil Cameron echoed the words of the quiet man of Lurgan. Cameron had fought depression too, had been at the mercy of the unrelenting snarling of the black dog. Holyrood was collectively cowed by Leigh's courageous endurance, days limped by as member prayed for the thumbheid's mental health. It took six months but prayers were answered, Griffiths re-emerged, blinking into the welcoming light. The national team would be the beneficiary. As referred, Alison McConnell broke the story on a Saturday night, discussion has been muted, but Hollicom is akin to rust, never sleeps. Leigh was part of a most supportive trio, yesterday he realised he was alone. Neil Cameron took time out from serving breakfast to midge bitten tourists at his Isle of Skye B and B, long enough to utilise his Herald column to tell Leigh the patience has evaporated. Such intervention was one Neil withdrawing support, the two came this morning as Lennon castigated Griffiths. Leigh is giving depressives a bad name. Currently, his status amounts to a stray hound. Now, Leigh should be aware of the precedents. Throwing oneself from Bothwell Brig' has been tried before by Paul Cooney. The Polis stopped and offered him a lift to the Erskine. Then, there's Gary MacKay-Steven's swim in the River Kelvin when sexual identity became too much. You do not want to be hanging to a rock in the mid-flow. No, Leigh take my advice, you have been abandoned, Hollicom no longer has your back. Succumb to the warm waters of getting back on the gear.

Can Mikey have two masters? Sellik TV's latest signing, Michael Stewart made his debut last night, Nice were lucky to get a draw. Ajer is worth £50 million, but would be better staying at ra Sellik and French Eddie was onside, even when he is flagged offside. Oh, and Klimala is ready to step up. Do you think PQ will present him with a different script on Sportsound/Sportscene? PQ's headline on last night's events : 'Rangers face Ryan Kent ban blow and Celtic's Patryk Klimala tipped to shine'. A negative and a positive is understandable, there is a considerable conflict of self interest at PQ. Those lovable Dandies entertain the Yahoos singing, 'we hate Rangers more than you' and the Yahoos applaud them for it. Yep, the Dandies want Kent banned for the Pittodrie opener and I suspect the Referee will be under pressure to report the incident, the Compliance Officer awaits. This morning's BBC Radio Scotland sportsdesk interviewed the Daily Record's Michael Gannon on last night's events in France. Michael knew his lines, continuing his paper's commercial relationship with ra Sellik, was most positive about ra green'n'grey hooped horrors. Ra Sellik, Nice, and Lyon all mentioned, we were NOT named; however, we did feature twice, "in the other game". When asked specifically about Kent, Gannon recalled Sellik's Sumo' being red carded in last season's pre-season match against St Gallen and being suspended for the league opener. We await the Mikey verdict, will it be ra Sellik TV verdict or the BBC Scotland verdict. Is there a difference?

Apologies for the tardiness of reply. The QP Cafe has had several tables outside these last few years. There is also a trough for those accompanied by their other halves. Definitely, the Howf for the more discerning Yahoo.

Kings of Lyon. Two games on the Rhone Savage, scored five, conceded nil.

The first book reference Rangers was penned by John Allan. The title was, 'The story of the Rangers - the first fifty years'. John Allan was more of a statistician than a historian, He told a tale of derring-do. He did not finish the tome until 1923 and to continue the title he decided Rangers were founded in 1873. All the annuals of Scottish football tell that Rangers were founded in the first week of February in 1872. We should recognise that John Allan did not portray a true history of the foundation of our club.

Good question. Perceived wisdom is it was a delayed title party because it was the first weekend where beer gardens are fully open. Queens Park railway station is on Victoria Road, Billy McNeill's old pub is twenty yards away and another bar, the Queens Park Cafe is 50 yards up the road. Both establishments are south side haunts for the Green Brigade. The disruption at the station was considerable. Several dozen turned up in the olive drab uniform and Police Scotland and the British Transport Police reacted. All trains were cancelled for 3-4 hours. As stated, there were three arrests. We do not know the charges, the three do not seem to have appeared in court. The disruption, a dozen police vehicles, and several dozen dispersed. The story has been Hollicomed.

Fighting Fit? It has taken me a few days to retrieve BBC Scotland's report on Leigh Griffiths not traveling to France for ra Sellik's preseason friendlies. This was because the story broke through Alison McConnell on the Saturday night deliberately, thus allowing the Beeb to put up the approved report and remove it by Sunday mid-afternoon. The Beeb can claim they have reported it, without any discussion and Hollicom are happy. We await what Celtic TV's newest recruit, Michael Stewart has to say? Anyways, for the record : Griffiths misses Celtic's French Tour. Leigh Griffiths will remain at Celtic's Lennoxtown training base, to improve his fitness rather than join the squad for pre-season friendlies in France. He will miss the matches against Nice on Thursday, host club Lyon on Saturday, and the final game against PSG in Paris on 21 July. The 29 year old striker scored 11 times in 31 matches for Celtic last season. "Leigh is undertaking his own fitness programme along with some other players at Lennoxtown", said Celtic. I would have thought the national manager, Steve Clarke would have been contacted for comment? We have potentially two most important international games coming up soonest, and Leigh's wreckless behaviour is narrowing options. Angela Haggerty. Back to full fitness, Angela returned to media duties at the weekend. PQ had her on Seven Days on Sunday night, it was the usual all about Angela diatribe. She was congratulated on Motherhood and of course, Angela is the first person ever to be a Mum. She is not privileged, doesn't recognise it; although didn't tell the audience she received a direct intervention from Scottish Health minister, Jeanne Freeman when her ASDA online shopping failed to arrive. The Editor/Producer of Seven Days is Gerry Gay, and being his big pal doesn't count as privilege either. Angela appeared on TimesRadio on Monday morning, talking about Scottish independence, appeared on BBC Radio Scotland on Tuesday morning talking about bereavement, ........ etc. Angela's standard of life is assured because she has the privilege of knowing the right Editors/Producers. She does amazingly well for being the Editor of a book authored by a chap with four names, who was decreed to have been tarred with the sectarian brush. On her Twitter feed, she has a contribution which epitomises her constant performance. It's from Mark Nelson expressing impatience at a future vicTIMhood scenario, "I cannot wait to be told to wear a poppy by someone not wearing a face mask". Oh, Angela will be waiting impatiently to Call it Out. Celtic TV's Michael Stewart. PQ ignored the Green Brigade's latest outing on Sunday afternoon. They gathered at Queens Park railway station to protest, perennial protestants this mob are proving to be. Another three arrests and no reports. Again, given Michael Stewart has taken the time during a few broadcasts to inform us, "I support the political ambitions and aspirations of the Green Brigade". Well, Michael is now employed by Celtic(or is Sellik TV a separate entity), he can add considerable flesh to the bones of those constantly troubling the Scottish Justice system?

The Bear Necessities.

Regimental traditions die hard. Although, I suspect Jum's experience is probably more in keeping with Lochee fashion trends?

In Jum's mitigation. Everybody in Lochee knows Jum was sodomised through a hole in his balaclava.

Well, those two Arabs walking from Tynecastle to Tannadice will be happy. Paul McNicoll and Andy Crichton were introduced by Cosgrove and Cowan on Saturday's show as, Baldie and Beardie. The facial whiskered on Tweeted on the day both Hearts and Thistle decided to go legal : "Fcuk Hearts, fcuk Ann Budge, fcuk Partick Thistle, and fcuk Jacqui Low". It would appear the SPFL will be doing the fcuking for Crichton.

Occasionally dipping into Jum Spence's Twitter feed can be interesting. He Tweets lots about Dundee United and ra Sellik, keeps you up to date on happenings at his local parish church, and splits the rest of his time keeping us abreast of Dundee University and providing teasers on that day's Dundee Courier news items. The last two are motivated by being Rectum of the Uni' and reminding us all he remains a columnist at the blat. Like all those that have been Hollicomed, often it's the stuff he doesn't flag up, that prove most interesting. We know Jum is as thick as sh1t pouring from the neck of a bottle; highlighted by his second and last resignation from PQ. He told us all he knew all about the law because he lectured on it at the local Polytechnic. He demanded Rangers be stripped off their assets, because they profited from crime. The example of gangsters and yachts was offered. Of course, such a Law Lecturer had ignored the fact no crime had been committed by Rangers in his prejudicial rant. Today, in the Courier, in his role as football columnist, he failed to highlight a football connected story. If we go back four months, the biggest story in Scottish football and it continues to rumble; is Dundee's missing vote in the SPFL fiasco. Remember, the vote was sent by e-mail by Dundee FC Secretary, Eric Drysdale. It went missing/awry/rogue for several hours, then we were informed it was recovered from the SPFL quarantine folder at one in the morning. Suffice to say, Dundee had changed their vote from the one they had intended to make. Rather, the vote they told other clubs they intended to make. Eric Drysdale, what's he like? Eric Drysdale is also an SNP Councillor on Perthshire and Kinross Council. Over the weekend, he attended a Council meeting to decide on the merits of a proposed 187 house construction project in the small village of Stanley. The villagers objected to the construction, and Drysdale gave the impression he intended to vote for the project to go ahead. However, on reading the impact reports provided by those opposed, he was mindful to change his mind. During the on line vote, Eric's computer had technical glitches and his vote was not registered. This ensured a 6-6 tied result, allowing the Chair to cast his/her vote in favour of construction. One can only wonder at Eric beset by computer difficulties again? One can only wonder at Jum, being a Law Lecturer, a Rectum, and a football columnist; NOT finding this story worthy of highlight? At the very least, he should persuade his BIG mate, Stuart Cosgrove to utilise his production company to commission a public information film, 'Eric Drysdale contemplates the ballot box'. Was Eric waiting on the soft thud of a brown envelope, was he promised a pre-season friendly, was he guaranteed a lucrative TV match to be played in the States, .... etc? We should be told ................. by Jum.

Walkabout Mikey. It has been six weeks since Michael Stewart last appeared on Sportsound. Speculation is that Michael is in a huff, his beloved Hearts(no laughing at the back) situation was not being taken seriously enough by fellow self interested pundits. Michael's performance during the entire SPFL vote fiasco was the epitome of self interest. Dundee and John Nelms were villains, then he was briefed and suddenly he was demanding sympathy for Neil Doncaster, Rod the Fraud, and Shifty McGifty. Safer, calmer waters arrived when he blamed Rangers for everything. Always a winner at PQ. Wait a minute, Hearts were being relegated and Mikey screamed, "unfair". The path of least resistance was still to articulate hatred for Rangers, bad club, doesn't like the way Rangers do things, and Dossier of evidence was a damp squib. Oh, and the Hagi transfer was just wrong. Hearts, Hearts, glorious Hearts have taken the legal route, armed with the damp squib dossier. Michael has stepped away, let events take their course. Cosgrove and Cowan are determined this is not an issue for fans, two Arabs are walking from Tynecastle to Tannadice to raise funds for Dundee United's legal funds. Beardie and Baldie was the description of the two, in excess of £30 grand pledged. They interviewed Baldie on Saturday for 20 minutes and he agrees it is not about the fans. His colleague, Beardie issued a Tweet the day Hearts decided to take the legal route, it said, "Fcuk Hearts, fcuk Ann Budge, Fcuk Partick Thistle, and fcuk Jacqui Low". This was not mentioned because PQ can make inconvenience disappear. Talking of inconvenience, well Michael Stewart again. Yesterday, he pitched up to promote his latest broadcast deal. Michael has signed up for Celtic TV next season. He joins Chris Sutton and John Hartson in bringing all the PETER approved news, starting on the 1st August. PQ have been remarkably quiet on Michael's latest career move, how will Mikey know the difference between the studios?

What do you do about a boy named Leigh? The Black Dog, depression, mental health issues, Bipolar Disorder, the Samaritans, despondency, dejection, ................................ etc. The last eighteen months has seen a plethora of articles articulating the mindset of someone on the brink of hopelessness and despair. Empathy and sympathy are expressed, reassurances quickly follow, it's okay to feel this way, and YOU are not alone. I am most familiar with the accompanying choreography. Sixteen years of service does not come alone, I have witnessed the most courageous of men succumb, decades after the guilty events. When your working tools are white phosphorous grenades and bayonets, when your working environment is peppered with heavy artillery detonations, and when the culminating arithmetic does not add up. I can only lend my every support. The vast majority of those articles are not as a result of service personnel experiences, and they are not fixated on the horrors visited upon those working in Emergency Services either. No, the subject is a thirty grand per week footballer, living in a million pound plus house in Bothwell. It has been seriously important to be seen to be unquestionably supportive of a convicted racist, a father to six children by four different mothers, and someone who regularly displays severe behavioural problems. Leigh Griffiths likes a bet, likes a shag, and is never happier than when displaying triumphalism. It's all on film, from singing about Rudi Skacel's links to Travelers selling close pegs, through Leigh wiping his nose on Rangers corner flags, and flashing his Scots Nat' credentials by vigorously waving an Irish republican flag in the Broomloan stand. There's a problem, Leigh scores goals for ra Sellik, lot's of them, and he occasionally bulges the net for Scotland. All those rumours eighteen months past about him having gambling debts and owing serious dosh to some unforgiving Edinburgh toughs. Peter knew he was an unsympathetic character and decided Hollicom had to provide the narrative. It was a complete surprise to the folks in Bothwell that Leigh had mental heath issues. It was an even bigger surprise to Leigh. Anyways, the Scottish main stream media got behind the Hollicom provided script and stories of Leigh keeping the Bothwell Bookies open, due to weekly five figure bets were suppressed. Ra Sellik had done the right thing, as responsible employers should; Leigh was removed from Leith and all bad influences. The Bothwell rumour mill during Lockdown has been busy, Leigh has been seen leaving late in the evening to visit a kebab shop in Castlemilk. A ten mile journey to a Glasgow peripheral estate for a Donner is an even bigger shock than Leigh's mental health battle. Le Chateau de Lait has a burgeoning reputation for fine cuisine, or it will have by the time Peter has finished. We can only wonder why? Hollicom stalwart, Alison McConnell once again delivered an answer. The story broke on Saturday night, Leigh was not part of ra Sellik's pre-season traveling party to France, he was being left behind to work on his fitness at Lennoxtown. It must have killed Alison to pen he was almost a stone overweight? I thought Morelos was the fat striker? Have no fear, Leigh has come from his corner, swinging. He is determined to knuckle down and prove his detractors wrong. He is quoting Rocky Balboa.Give it a few years and all those Journos that went out on a limb to keep Gazza out of the Scottish football hall of fame, will be whipped again, to ensure Leigh receives a seamless entry. In the meantime, I am sure Alison will keep Leigh's pecker up?