26th of foot

Frankie, Here, in deepest, darkest Lanarkshire, your post is a comfort. Heartening to know, East Lothian has/had a school? We can only hope that Leigh eventually hears the callings of home? He can unveil the wonderment of the spoon.

I listened to Maurice Ross on BBC Radio Scotland on Sunday, he was accompanied by both Jane Lewis and Sellik TV’s, Michael Stewart. Mo’ was complimentary to both Rangers and Steven Gerrard. His analysis of Rangers Sellik and Lennon was pretty much that of all the usual suspects. He raised a few laughs by picking up on some of Lennon’s comments, particularly those reference forward players not being fit. Michael Stewart was in complete agreement with Mo’; however, as we know from Phil McFournames and his very well placed source, Michael is now part of Dermot’s choreography to ease Neil out by the end of the month. The biggest guffaw of the piece was when Ross raised how long it takes to get Leigh Griffiths fit? According to Mo’, pre-season lasts four weeks, add another two to three weeks to garner sharpness, and that’s it, you are fit. A wee insight that is not reported in Lennon’s whinge, and proves Maurice Ross correct in his analysis of Leigh Griffiths. On Sunday evening, just before midnight, Leigh wrote off his club Audi in a car smash a few hundred yards from his Bothwell home. During the summer, Bothwell was alive to strong rumours of a green’n’grey hooped horror leaving the families’ home at late hours in the club cars, to visit a kebab shop in Castlemilk. Surely, Leigh is the embarrassment in this story? He is leaving behind a pile of bent metal as his manager targets Maurice Ross.

Tagine Kheredine. Like the North African cooking pot of the nomads, Kheredine has the reputation of being eternally moist. A professional, he brings the necessary enthusiasm to each topic he covers. Keeping the lid on it is another of his strong suits, and rawking lap dog loyalty is no problem either. A decade of trailing Andy around the tennis circuit must have stimulated the thought of an Andy-apricot combination? His biggest advantage is, not being Chris McLaughlin. Further, he doesn’t possess a creepy sister, Connie taking every opportunity to promote her life coach business. Last evening’s BBC Scotland’s news carried a four minute piece previewing Scottish clubs’ participation in the group stages of the Europa Cup, and Kheredine Idessane was the man. It was inevitable, application of some privately educated salve to a five year running sore. Rangers and Rangers supporters are often ignored by the national broadcaster, this season so far, our participation in Europe has been the epitome of a Curate’s egg. A couple of commentaries by proxy ie watching Rangers TV in a PQ studio, and providing secondary, disinterested descriptions. BBC’s previews for the qualifying round included all British clubs including Dundalk, but no Rangers. Kheredine spent three and a half minutes at ra Stade de Gadd, interviewing Neil and talking up the overwhelming positivity at the ground. Neil is praising his players, they have achieved so much in the past, they will do so again in the future. All sounds a bit Connie MCLaughlin that, could she be the reported Dermot Desmond funded psychological help for Rangers Sellik squad? AC Milan are BIG TIME, and Rangers Sellik play their football in the reflected glow. The last thirty seconds of the piece was Kheredine upon the Hinshelwood grassy knoll. Silhouetted by the Ibrox main stand, we were told of Rangers good fortune. Liege have three players ruled out by COVID, just like Saturday’s circumstances at Parkhead. That’s it, no positivity, no aspirations, no managerial interview, just lucky bastards. We know Kheredine does not carry the same toxicity as Chris, but he is a Sellik man. I would advise Kheredine to do what every other BBC Scotland employee does with matters Rangers, run far away and hope Andy Murray embarks on the senior tennis tour soonest. Why can’t they find someone to cover our games?

Michael rowed the boat ....... into uproar. Go back a fortnight, and Michael had a firm hand on the tiller of the good ship, ‘SS Corporate Sellik’. The out of Puffer was crewed by fellow jolly jacks, Neil Doncaster and Mike Mulraney. The boiling briney had delivered the craft into the safe harbour, PQ. Michael presented the Lawwell case for significant numbers of fans returning to Scottish football, particularly Sellik Park. A ninety minute Vital Spark special. Cosgrove was not happy, Jum was mutinous, Jason Leitch dismissive, and Nicola took the huff. The international week did not help, Michael didn’t get what the National Coach was trying to achieve, “the system is all wrong”. Again, Michael’s usual supporters took issue; Pat Nevin went as far to say, “Steve Clarke has Scotland playing with sophistication”. Michael is a vain Skipper, and a self-appointed tactical genius. Last weekend, on BBC Radio Scotland with Jane Lewis and Neil McCann, he took a bleaching. Discussing the upcoming old firm game, Michael raised ra Sellik colours and called, ‘full steam ahead’. Rangers were bottlers, in fact serial botltlers, their performances after each new year proved it. Of course, there had been a marginal improvement under Gerrard, “we can see that in Europe”. He weighed anchor with, “when will they be able to handle the pressure”? Pirate Neil lowered the black patch over his eye and bellowed, “arrrrghhh”. Swinging on the end of a line, buckling his swash, he boarded with swagger. He told Michael he knew little of pressure, explained he did know, because he had played five years at Rangers, and every day was a pressure day. Further, he cut Michael about the head with the trusty truth, “you cannot know the pressure, you have never played for the old firm”. I swear, there was a snigger rolling around the studio at the delivery of the line. Since Saturday, Michael has been severely critical of Lennon, his team selection, and tactics. He has praised both Rangers and Gerrard in acknowledging we can only beat what is put in front of us. Again, on Sportsound on Sunday, he teamed up with Jane Lewis and first team coach at Motherwell, Maurice Ross. The former Ranger was brutal in his assessment of Lennon and the tactics deployed, “Rangers did not get out of second gear because they didn’t have to”. Further, Ross is of the opinion, “Rangers are the best coached team in the country”. Captain Mikey was in full reverse, he agreed with everything Ross said. The biggest betrayal of Neil and all who sail in him, was Sportscene. Michael sat there minus the big whites Sannies, he was uniformed with McFadden and Thomson, black trainers with white soles. This Fletcher Christian act, is just that, an act. Today, that other blowhard, Cap’t Phil of the Pedalo, ‘McFournames’ has revealed from his usual, “very well placed source”, Dermot Desmond has called both Lawwell and Lennon to heel, and told Neil he has a month to sort out the mess. Apparently, Michael applying pressure is all part of the Dermot plan? Whatever, give Michael the job, he is a tactical genius. Give him an outboard motor, rowing is beneath Mikey.

In the interests of sporting integrity, Peter Lawwell says the only fair way to decide the Premiership champions, is alphabetically between the top two teams.

I never thought it would happen ......

“Throw me a line, I’m sinking fast”. Older Gersnetters will remember the Old Grey Whistle Test? Of course, we had access to albums, a decent local record shop gave you access to imports. We all listened to albums and regularly you did not know what the band looked like. When Whistle Test appeared on BBC2, it allowed us to see the bands whose music you had been digesting for a couple of years. I remain a stone groove soulster, whispering Bob rarely satisfied my demands. Occasional bands might not have a soulful chord in their harmony, but they could still deliver a real wow factor. Roxy Music did it for me, a well thought out, all round package. Bryan Ferry had a distinct vocal delivery, liked a teasing lyric, and the band were truly eccentric. Eno, MacKay, Thompson, ... etc different backgrounds and influences, and the presentation, in ‘72 only Bowie provided competition. The first single was Virginia Plain, the title appeared in the last line of the song; I think only Squeeze have replicated the trick? In the Whistle Test performance, Ferry turns to the camera and emphasises the opening line of the last verse, “throw me a line, I’m sinking fast”, turns back to the Mike before continuing, “clutching at straws, can’t make it”. Getting in last night, the first piece I read on yesterday’s game was a bellowing moan from Neil Lennon on the BBC Scotland website. He was complaining and accusing that whoever at the club had released ra Sellik’s team lines on Friday night, was a traitor. Of course, Neil has grabbed at a few other thrown lines since last evening; COVID, under strength, and players not adhering to management instruction. The following lyrical line is where Neil should focus, “clutching at straws, can’t make it”. I don’t think Neil will bother, he has a ton more vanity than Bryan Ferry. Anyways, congratulations on the BBC Scotland Journo who managed to slip a microphone into Stevie G’s pocket, to get Neil’s moan.

Yesterday, was an emotional roller coaster. Like most of you, I spent the early afternoon shouting at a TV screen? I thought we played within ourselves, kept it relatively simple in allowing the Yahoos penetration on either flanks, but ensuring they turned back before crossing. Thus, we ensured they played in front of us. They did not get in behind and I think McGregor only had two cross balls to deal with in the match. Kamara was my man of the match, he epitomised the above paragraph. When we moved forward, we did so quickly. Often, it was two or three fast passes, and we were in? A better final ball and the victory would have been more comfortable. I am apprehensive about saying this, so I will mention it quietly. I suspect our players know they have the beating of that shower? Thus, they did enough, knowing another important Europa Cup game occurs midweek. My highlight of the game was Connor Goldson’s second, having the awareness to play a one-two wall pass off Duffy, before slotting home. It’s good, Connor has revealed Duffy’s purpose. My advice Gersnetters, enjoy the next couple of months before we beat them again.

Yahoos 1 Rangers 2 FGS : Arfield.

As we know, the above message will enter Dundee’s spam folder and be retrieved on Tuesday. We should be thankful to Jum Spence in his telling of Dundee being a three club town these days. Both Dundee and United are pysh, allowing all Dundonians to support their big team tomorrow. As Dundee Uni’ Rectum, Jum is compelled to talk out of his arse.

I know things take time, particularly in East Lothian. Here in deepest, darkest Lanarkshire, a couple of hundred years past, we were introduced to a utensil called a ‘spoon’. Genius really, designed to transfer the contents of a bowl to one’s mouth. Just stirring.

Craig/Bluedell, Thanks for the answers, I suspect you are both correct. As stated, this has been a considerable, sustained effort by ra Sellik. We know they have immediate access to the national broadcaster, but it’s something you would want to manage carefully. Roping in Alloa’s Mulraney, telling Doncaster to appear(particularly since he still hasn’t sorted out a league sponsor), and subjecting Chris and Michael to further subjective demands is over exposure. I hope the club are monitoring these going-ons, the national broadcaster is now facilitating Sellik’s corporate/sponsorship needs. Poor Chris, selling his very ever lasting soul for a bucket and spade.

‘With my little stick of Blackpool rock’. Yesterday evening, Scotland played the Czech Republic at Hamden. You would expect the national broadcaster’s priorities would be boosting the national team’s fortunes? A couple of interviews, a preview of the Czech team, hopes and aspirations of the national coach, ........ etc? We received none of that, BBC Scotland dispatched their Sports News Correspondent, Chris McLaughlin to Blackpool. Of course, ‘with my little stick of Blackpool rock’ is a song penned by George Formby; scurrilous rumours abound that Sky’s Eilidh Barbour on dumping Chris, lamented the unsatisfying confectionery on offer. She overcame her needs by concentrating on swingers, American female golfers and the biggest swinging dick at PQ, Connie of the Inner Buzz. As his sister mentors the psychological needs of ra hooped horrors, why was Chris wearing a kiss-me-quick hat and flicking his tongue at candy floss? As diarised on this thread, Peter is determined to have a number of Yahoos within ra Stade de Gadd during the old firm match. It has been a considerable effort by numerous parties and the national broadcaster has largely been his preferred means of spinning the message. The game has been put back to be the eleventh league fixture for the first time, Lennon has regularly utilised pressers to demand the return of fans, and we thought finally, Sellik TV’s Michael Stewart, SPFL Vice-Chair, Mike Mulraney, and SPFL Chief Executive, Neil Doncaster hogged ninety minutes of national broadcasting last week, demanding the return of fans to this particular fixture. Perhaps, some of the more aware Gersnetters can shed light on this matter, why such an effort, is there a corporate/sponsorship element to be satisfied? Chris was on the promenade, windswept and ranking his Thunderbird Brain’s persona. He pondered why the First Minister was strongly advising against bus loads of old firm fans making the 200 mile journey down to the Lancashire coast, when this could easily and safely resolved by allowing them into Sellik Park? There was an air of Comical Ali standing on a side street in down town Baghdad, proclaiming allied armies were being crushed, as cruise missiles flew over his head. Why are they pushing this so hard, right down to the wire? We know it’s because Peter demands it, but why are BBC Scotland so accommodating? What is the need that must be satisfied, a lot of folks are being over exposed?

Cheers Rousseau, a few days before visiting ra Stade de Gadd, my nerves are taut. Reading the first two lines, whilst glancing at the photos; my heart sank. Battle Fever japery is verboten.

In the week of the first old firm match of the season, Graham’s Podcast continues to strive for objectivity. Well, that’s objectivity pertinent to a current Sellik season ticket holder. The title of the Podcast is, ‘Succulent Lamb Journalism - inspired by James Traynor’s fawning over David Murray’. Sounds like a comfort blanket and both invited contributors, Harry Brady of Sellik Underground and Gordon Waddell of serious Rangers hating credentials, will maintain a firm hold. Talking of succulent lamb journalism, I wonder if Spiers et al will discuss Sellik TV’s Michael Stewart, Mike Mulraney, and Neil Doncaster’s appearances on BBC Radio Scotland for ninety minutes last week, promoting Peter’s desire for crowds to return to Scottish football?

Oh well, Sellik Supporters Association Chair, Joe O’Rourke will be utilising his green crayon soonest. Michael Stewart will be demanding another ninety minutes on BBC Scotland, because Peter told him to do so. Once again, Neil Doncaster and Mike Mulraney stand ready to once again support Michael, because a Peter told them to do so. Motherwell Director, Andrew Wilson is compiling a Dossier reference Steven Gerrard, this will be submitted to Humza Useless. All predicated upon a barrel of oil retailing for $115. Jum Spence wants Gerrard prosecuted under the Proceeds of Crime law. Margaret Ferrier is prepared to travel once again by train to Westminster, to lay down an early day motion. Spiers next Podcast will be a chat among fellow Yahoos sitting either side of him and his lads in the Lisbon Lions stand, the topic being, ‘Succulent Lamb and a Devil Worship’. In the week of an old firm game ............

I believe the flavouring botanical is essence of Paul Lambert’s front teeth?

I seem to remember the Edmiston had a house band back in the mid-eighties. I came home on leave and saw a reserve fixture, wandered over to the club, drawn by the noise. I think they were called, ‘Cascade’? Anyways, it was a Saturday early evening sound check. They told me to return next afternoon, it was well busy and the compère was Mr Abie, a comedian. Cascade were a five piece, essentially a Queen tribute act. I wonder if any of the club Historians have any of the Playbills from the Edmiston Club during it’s pomp? It would be interesting.

Well, all kinds of everything?

Similarly, I saw Lulu perform, a truly soulful, haunting rendition of, ‘to Sir with Love’ in the Edmiston(Allen Stewart was the compère- circa’71). I witnessed the team return from Hampden with silverware and celebrate with the support in the Edmiston. As a teenage school boy, I witnessed a seriously ill Lex McLean launch into a several minute hilarious rant reference a Po-faced Sellik Chairman. ( for the obsessed looking in - it was the evening of a Rangers 1-0 friendly victory over Moscow Dynamo at Ibrox in front of 85,000).

Okay, Holicom have gone, or have they? I don’t know, is it a case of meet the new Boss, same as the old Boss? Whom ever, whatever has taken over ra Sellik PR, the results are stunningly similar. Two instances occurred in Glasgow overnight, broadly similar instances of vandalism and graffiti, let’s have a look on how both are reported by main stream media. Easterhouse is a sprawling scheme in the north east of the city, notorious with multi-social and economic deprivation. Last night, a grouping decided to take a spray can to the local Sports Centre, the message was familiar, “UB-07” and “Kill all Tai-gs”. Simply, it’s sectarianism writ large. The Evening Times journo, Jack Haugh calls it out, and quite rightly too, “Vile Glasgow Bigots” is the headline and the following several paragraphs condemn in equal measure. A ready and waiting raft of political and professional talking heads deliver suitable condemnation and reasonable consequence. Councillor Ruairi Kelly says, “this type of behaviour costs the people of Glasgow thousands of pounds to clean up and nobody should have to see intimidating messages on walls, making them feel unsafe in their own neighbourhood”. Councillor Kelly is a regular contributor in this type of incident, he goes further, “I will be following this up with the local police and housing associations to ensure those responsible are made aware of how unacceptable this is to the residents of Easterhouse”. Next up is Nil by Mouth’s, David Scott, he suggests society would be better off without such idiots. He states, “those responsible are scraping the barrels of idiocy” He continues, “if, after months of people facing down this pandemic together, regardless of colour and creed, this is the best these morons have to offer society, they need to know we are better off without them” MSP, Ivan McKee pitches in, “I want to see this vandalism dealt with as swiftly and decisively as possible”. I think it is all fair comment, it’s measured, and offers a way ahead. Terms such as vile, morons, and idiots are appropriate. There is a barb that Gersnetters might recognise from listening to Cosgrove on BBC Scotland? You know where we are placed on the sidelines, raging and beefing; all three contributors place the perpetrators out with society, at the very least not worthy of society. The second incident occurred at Patrick Thistle’s ground, Firhill. Israel have been training in Maryhill, in preparation for tonight’s match at Hampden against Scotland. There’s a familiarity about the vandalism and graffiti, “Israel ensures Palestinian blood flows”. The frontage of the stadium is daubed in red paint and the strap line is repeated along the length of the main stand. Those responsible are termed, “pro-Palestinian campaigners”. Jack Haugh reports police inquiries are continuing. You may remember, a month past the same thing happened at Hampden? The same message, the same red paint, the same 70-80 members of the Green Brigade flying Irish flags, gathered to shout abuse at the Israeli team bus. Tonight, the Green Brigade are promising another similar protest at the national stadium. The North Curve(a campaigning nome de guerre - like all those Irish republican resident associations back in the day) have again claimed responsibility. Oh, let’s remind plod - police inquiries are continuing. Do not expect any arrests. We have had three incidents in as many months in Glasgow, all perpetrated by the Green Brigade; the 4-5 hour amble around the city centre changing road and street signs, the Hampden ruckus, and now Firhill. We have not had a single comment from Nil by Mouth, Councillor Rhuiri Kelly, Ivan McKee MSP, ........... or evening the Chief Rabbi of Scotland. simply, they have not been asked, and won’t be. Some vandalism is to be condemned and labelled vile, other vandalism is to accepted as necessary. I hope some of those deciding which is which, remember the old catechism, “who killed Christ, the Jews killed Christ”? The guys who used that excuses back in day were deservedly termed pariahs of society. Seriously, they claim it, they film themselves doing it, they receive praise from the usual suspects, and yet not one can call it out, THE GREEN BRIGADE.

The Fluffers. This piece is specific to BBC Radio Scotland’s broadcast on the afternoon of Saturday, 3rd October’20. The evening before saw four Scottish Premiership fixtures, one was postponed ie Motherwell-Kellie, and the other two fixtures played out on Sunday. There was no Scottish football on Saturday, 3rd October. It was a blank canvas awaiting paint. Ninety minutes on the national broadcaster was handed over to Peter Lawwell’s Fluffers. The SPFL Chief Executive, Neil Doncaster, the SPFL Vice Chair, Mike Delaney, and Sellik TV’s Michael Stewart made a pitch. I have waited to see how much the trio were in tune with new, modern Scotland. Another full throated consumer of Peter’s cock, Chris McLaughlin delivered the uninspiring verdict yesterday afternoon. Back at the start of Lockdown, I was the recipient of a Literature quarterly review. It dealt with an unheralded niche of fairly modern popular reading habits. From the mid sixties to the late seventies, a group of authors ie Jaqueline Susanne, Harold Robbins, Sydney Sheldon, ..... etc rode a genre wave that led to Hollywood Babylon. Formulaic blockbusters demanding a major sex scene in the first dozen pages, beloved of bored housewives and teenage lads. Before Kenneth Anger penned Hollywood Babylon, these books took lurid anecdotal Hollywood gossip, changed the context to include in their hoary narratives. We had to guess at the name of, ‘the human ashtray’ a Hollywood heart throb who demanded his boyfriends stub out their cities on his chest. Jaqueline, Harold, and Sydney teased with tales without names. Anger followed upon a few instances, Robbins in one of his early tomes partly told the story of well paid trio called, ‘the Fluffers’. They were controlled by an Agent who ran the Hollywood gay porn scene, and regularly starred in one of Hollywood’s ongoing productions. Burt Ward was Robin to Adam West’s Batman, his big earner was the the Fluffers. The vibrancy of Hollywood porn was dependent upon keeping their desire tumescent. On Saturday, Big Dick introduced Neil, Mike, and Mikey and handed over the show. It was rehearsed, kept to the script, and Michael Stewart emphasised and reinforced when necessary. Neil began with the Scottish football industry being held to a competitive disadvantage. Mike Mulraney opined the Scottish Government being behind the European curve; further he stated that science was not driving decisions, it was now political. Both Doncaster and Mulraney expressed an intention to maintain pressure on the Scottish Government. Michael Stewart provided the summation, “Neil and Mike have been up front, honest, and on the point”. Mulraney told us, “our fans are frustrated and have had enough”. Doncaster told of speaking to a Premiership Chairman earlier in the week, “he told me his club had over 800 local suppliers in his club’s area”. Michael becomes strident, “the Barnet consequential are not enough” and ends with,”our football clubs are much loved institutions, in this case the Scottish Government is wrong”. The pitch reached the crescendo, Michael wanted fans back in grounds in substantial numbers, at least 30%. He questioned Neil on assurances given to the SG, “the Government know the professionalism is in place, once accepted, can we scale this up quickly as confidence returns Neil”? Doncaster confidently replies, “absolutely”. The Ginga Ninja finishes with, “we are all working as one, Scottish football stands shoulder to shoulder”. Yesterday, Chris McLaughlin reported the meeting of both Doncaster and Mulraney with Scottish Government Sports Minister, Joe Fitzpatrick. Apparently, some money will be available, an unquantified amount. One would hope Doncaster can carry such newly found vigour into his quest to find the SPFL a sponsor? One worries at Willie Miller after hearing the trio say the SG actions were not clinical but political, he wants Nicola voted out if she won’t listen. One hopes Peter has his understanding head upon his shoulders when Mikey has to report back? I thought his Scottish football working as one and standing shoulder to shoulder was worthy of caped superhero, Robin banging his fists together and proclaiming, “holy smoke Batman”? I know, I know, ninety minutes handed over for that; however, I hope it becomes a regular feature. What is more important to the nation than the task of keeping Peter perky?

Spiers is extending invitations to a specific category of characters. I cannot imagine any Gersnetters will be tempted to invest to hear their well rehearsed bitter views? This is Spiers third season as a Sellik season ticket holder, he takes both his sons. Highlighting those willing to appear on his podcast, illuminates how far he is prepared to expose his boys. His sons will be products of their conditioning.

Continuing in his sculptured ways to deliberately attract the “Ibrox hordes” to his Podcasts, dearest Graham has lined a one hour special with Hugh Keevins. The nasal whine will advance his quest for Tommy Burns to receive beatification, how he is here to talk football and not child rape, tell how many priests attended his daughter’s wedding, and why Valencia are the Aberdeen of Spanish football. Maybe, just maybe, Graham will ask Hugh to explain his oft’ repeated late nineties/early naughties slur, “ Ibrox on a Champions League night is akin to a Nuremberg Rally”. It was those torch led parades that Adolf the smartie, leader of the Nazi party decided to release their, ‘Race Laws’. Yep, those Race Laws that saw several million Jews, masons, Boy Scouts, socialists, gypsies, Down’s syndrome, ........... etc pushed into gas chambers on an industrial scale. I think we should run a sweep, name the next rancid auld bigot to appear on the Spiers Podcast? I’ii predict Matt McGlone.

Motherwell Director, fictional fantasy economics author, and big big mate of Tam Cowan, Andrew Wilson has been cited by the Compliance Officer, Claire Whyte. Wilson’s tweeted criticism of referee, Bobby Madden after Rangers 1-5 victory at Fir Park has landed him in trouble. Despite being Sellik TV’s Michael Stewart’s economic Guru, it is felt Andrew had a case to answer after calling Madden’s awards, “farcical and ludicrous”. He went further, wondering aloud why Madden had not gone for the hat-trick and proclaiming Madden to be, “Rangers most dangerous player”. The hearing date is set for the 29 October. I hope Peter allows Michael the opportunity to defend Wilson?