26th of foot

Michael Stewart will be contacting Irvine Welsh for the loan of his machete.

There's a Buzz about the Place? Sunday's Off the Ball was a Godsend, literarily. The guest again(and again ......) was Big Issue Editor, Paul McNamee. The opening and show running topic was Religion and Football. The stimulus for this was the lesson the previous Sunday conducted by the parish Priest, Father Jim Lawlor of the Immaculate Conception church in Maryhill. An Oxford graduate, Fr Jim took Sellik's recent signings of three Japanese players and framed them as, 'the Three Wise Men from the East'. The gift they bore was an excuse for Sellik to post season tour Japan for the next five years. It's no surprise that the exercise in resurrecting Fr Jim's image has been taken up by PQ. A couple of decades past, Fr Jim was parish priest of Our Lady of Fatima church in Dalmarnock. He told a sorry tale of regularly setting out from his sectarian daubed Presbytery to walk the five hundred yards of Springfield Road to Sellik Park to watch his green'n'grey hooped favourites. He could not negotiate this distance without the threat of assault. The then Chief Reporter of the Daily Record, Anna Smith was looking for a Priest on such a journey, Sellik needed him more. Glasgow City Council in conjunction with the club had submitted plans for redevelopment of the entire area surrounding Sellik Park. A non denominational school was demolished, three streets next to the ground were demolished, another dozen streets south of London Road were demolished, a pylon line relocated, a couple of factories demolished, an entire duel carriageway road was constructed, ........ etc. The Commonwealth Games spin off was planned to enable Sellik and an embattled Priest was a good bit of necessary leverage. Fr Jim went from the front page of the Record to Sellik View columnist. As an aside, Anna Smith now lives in the same spit in the wind coastal village as Phil McFournames. Anyways, as part of the Commonwealth Games Village plan and a declining congregation, Fr Jim's church in Springfield Road became a casualty and was similarly demolished. Fr Jim continued his journey, he was transferred to Penilee and his new charge was the parish of Our Lady and St George. Fr Jim became a lost soul and this time he was the focus of the front page of the Scottish Sun. It was Sunday evening and two elderly female parishioners were entering the church with intent to clean the interior. They were shocked by the scene confronting them, running into Sandwood Road screaming. Fr Jim was atop the altar, naked from the waist down, bouncing up and down upon a vibrating dildo. He was surrounded by an array of other sex toys. The Police arrived to find Jim continuing to enjoy the buzz, he was charged with Indecency and Lewd Behaviour. Fr Jim resigned his position from both church and Sellik View. He took to a Retreat for several months to re-find his faith through prayer. The Procurator Fiscal quietly dropped the charges and a reinvigorated Fr Jim took over at St Simon's in the west end, served on the Chaplaincy team at Barlinnie, followed by promotion to the Immaculate Conception, Maryhill. Fr Jim returned to literary ways, he penned a tome entitled, 'Cardinal Sin - Power, Abuse and, Truth in the Catholic Church'. A contribution very well received by the independence website, 'Bella Caledonia'. I was informed by a Publisher that Cardinal O'Brien was in a state of high dungeon on hearing of Fr Jim's intent on writing a book. Of course, the proffered titles including, 'A Second Coming', 'the Risen Lord' and, 'My Special Devotion to St Bilbo of the Blessed Dildo' did not help. Let's hope Fr Jim's resurrection achieves continued success.

RABid Pomposity. Increasingly, in Scotland we are becoming used to an application of Laws and rules that are applicable to the majority. However, there exists a growing elite of those connected to the raft of 130 Scottish Government Quangos that have other avenues open to them. Friends and family enjoy the benefits. Even information is something rationed to those and such as those, if it suits the authorities that be. We were told before Christmas that bringing forward the winter break was, "an application of common sense" by everyone clutching the provided script. At the end of the first week of the new year we have all viewed English football playing on as normal, attracting huge festive crowds. We might want to be comparative? Information is needed and the constant service provided by Prof' Jason Leitch in this regard throughout the first two lockdowns, would have been most welcome on the national broadcaster, BBC Scotland. Leitch did NOT appear and we were NOT told if he had even been invited. Has Humza withdrawn Leitch again? We don't know and we won't be told. We learned from Off the Ball that Tam and family celebrated New Year on the Isle of Arran and RAB Cosgrove was hospitalised. Arran has become PQ's Martha's Vineyard, lots of holiday homes but no one appears to be affected by the 13 CalMac cancelations of Ferry sailings from the island after Ne'erday. Maybe another service is available to those in the know? Similarly, games being played behind closed doors does not impinge upon members of the PQ Gang Hut. They don't even have to pay for live streams, they hit the canteen then sit down and view their teams courtesy of Beeb Engineers. PQ even altered their schedule, shortening RAB's show by an hour to allow him to attend St Johnstone's League Cup final victory. RAB utilised his National column during November to break a GMB strike, pointing out a national Union's funds included English, Welsh and, Irish monies. Clearly, he put his nationalism before his socialism, he is one of those and such as those; was his hospitalisation private? RAB lionised the healing powers of Amoxicillin on Saturday and then proved that such a collection of anti-bacterial drugs does NOT improve cerebral performance. Cowan was relating Lulu's testimony of her departed co-star in the 1967 film, 'To Sir with Love'. RAB barges in, "Aye, ah've seen loads of stuff written about Harry Belafonte". Cowan interrupts, "do you mean Sydney Pottier"? There are loud guffaws, anything to mask the fact that a broadcaster in his seventieth year has made a cnut of himself. Cowan then evokes Only Fools and Horses where Grandad and Rodney have an argument over the pronunciation of Pottier. RAB then gets the Grandad and Uncle Albert characters mixed up. Time to bring on the guest. It's John Barnes, late of the PQ parish. Currently, he is Killie TV's commentator. He is from Ayrshire and was the recipient of Jim McLean's right hook back in the day. RAB and Tam do the tired and lazy Rangers supporting accusations, then move on. Barnes is telling a story about working for BBC Scotland in Teblisi, Georgia nearly 20 years back. He tells of a frightening place, a nationalist Government out of control. He had left the press box at half time and could not re-enter because of, "one of Shevardnadze armed goons". RAB flashed his 70th year credentials again, "who was Shevardnadze playing with at the time"? Barnes explains he is talking about Georgia's then President, Eduard Shevardnadze. Increasing embarrassment is a no no for such a pompous prig, quickly he brought the show on to much more comfortable ground. He reminds us he was an Executive for Channel 4 and regales us with tales of ...................... heard it all a dozen times and, more. RAB was quite important. 'Walter - A Life in Football' came up and RAB clearly angered he was not involved wondered aloud about the reaction of the documentary's Director, Martin Conaghan when first told he had the gig, "Ah prefer to do Henrik". The Walter piece is decent although the lack of attention to Walter's second tenure at Rangers probably equates to BBC Scotland's determined start to queer relations with club and fans. The biggest advantage is Cosgrove's non involvement, see what he brought to the Mark Walters film? RAB is our Tony Blair, a property portfolio wielding, sense of entitlement holding, frequent story telling lazy bore. Arise Sir Stuart of Pacific Quay.

Nicola has put aside ten bob and, it's ring fenced.

Bearger, Welcome back; hopefully, you will post regularly in 2022? Bluebear's Prediction League would benefit from your participation.

First Footers and, "Jim fcuking Brogan". Our Ne'erday'72, first footers were the Maryhill Magyars, the Plastic Whistle, the Harry Wraggs, the ............... the Cuddly Toy of Scottish football, Partick Thistle. Half a century past, the Jags still had a working class support and the team could bite. They had defeated us 3-2 in the League's opening fixture at Firhill back on the first Saturday in September. As Davie McParland handed over the black bun and a dram at the foot of the marble staircase, he told Wullie Waddell they were in compensation for transfer of League Cup from our to their Trophy Room several weeks before. Forty thousand stood on the Stadium terraces awaiting the teams. My mates and I travelled to Ibrox that first of the first on the Tannochside RSC bus. The club was regarded in those days as, 'a Church Club'. Singing on the bus was confined to hymns, trips to Dundee and Aberdeen included a pre-match purvey where Grace was said and, the Committee wielded a big disciplinary stick. Ne'erday on the bus was different, the vast majority of members got on in a state of dehydration and sat down to pass the Ne'erday bottle. By the time the wheels reached Hamilton Road, the membership was largely inebriated again. The Bus Convenor interrupted the quiet revere by announcing any members identified as being on the Easter Road pitch on Christmas Day would be in front of the Committee. Thankfully, I had attended the Hibs game with my Old Man, two of the mates who gone on to the playing surface to celebrate Colin Stein's last minute winner; knew exuberance was NOT an acceptable excuse. Any type of exuberance on the Saviour's Day was not acceptable in Tannochside. Anyways, that was next Saturday's worry as the teams left the tunnel. Rangers - McCloy, Jardine, Denny, Greig, Jackson, Smith, McLean, Johnson, Stein, A MacDonald and, I McDonald. Partick Thistle - Rough, Hansen, Forsyth, Glavin, Campbell, Strachan, McQuade, Gibson, Coulson, Rae and, Lawrie. Rangers began well, the young injury ravaged winger, McDonald was providing penetration. Thistle ended the half better and deservedly scored on the stroke of half time through Denis McQuade, a wonderful top corner header. The Subway Loyal was alive and kicking back in the day too, and I doubt half the 40,000 attendance was still in place when Rangers both equalised and grabbed another injury time winner? John Greig brought us level on the 85th minute, and substitute, Derek Johnstone nodded home at the back stick to make it 2-1. An excited bus on the way home burst into song, we were ready to meet Spaniards by the score and the chorus at the Olde Club(Tannochside Miners Welfare) was, 'Bring on the Celtic'. We were two days away from visiting Parkhead. My Old Man secured two Main Stand tickets for the game on the 3rd, I was the fifth squeezed into Dad's mate, Campbell's Austin Maxi. I was fifteen but considered a boay among four adults. The forward area of the Stand was mixed and the row immediately to our front had two middle aged couples, both men wore the favours of our separated brethren, the wives were staunch. The teams lined up, Celtic - Connaghan, Hay, Brogan, Dalglish, McNeill, Connelly, Johnstone, Lennox, Deans, Callaghan and, Hood. Rangers - McCloy, Jardine, Mathieson, Greig, Jackson, Smith, McLean, Johnstone, Stein, MacDonald and, Johnston. The attendance was given as 70,0000 but these were the days of the biscuit tin, who can say? The game was typically frantic, surging from end to end. We looked comfortable until Harry Hood took control of the ball wide left of our penalty box, his ranging cross evaded everyone apart from the diminutive Jinky, who had to stoop to nod in at the back post on the 35th minute. The second half belonged to Rangers, we pushed them back and controlled the game. We had to wait until the 81st minute for Colin Stein's equaliser. The Lone Rangers latched on to a through ball, rode a tackle to get the shot away. Connaghan got a hand to the drive but the ball found the net. We were on to a third straight injury time winner, the remaining ten minutes were played in Celtic's box. In the first minute of time added on, McNeill took a free kick just outside his own box and found Harry Hood. As players ran past, Hood turned and curled a ball across our box, a late running Jim Brogan flicked his head and Karma had bitten us on the bum, again. In over 200 appearances, left back, Jim Brogan scored six goals, only one with his napper. The drama was immediately to our front, three of the four were in drunken slumber; however one of the females woke amid the eruption to ask, "who scored"? The awake chap punched the air screaming, "Jim Brogan". She replied, "Jim fcuking Brogan"? He lamped her as her mate awoke to remove her shoe and banjo him in turn with the heel. All four were removed by Glasgow's finest. We had played Celtic on four occasions in four months and lost all four. The following Friday brought news that ran interference with such an unpalatable fact, UEFA had drawn the ECWC quarter-finals. The eight teams remaining in the tournament were Rangers, Bayern Munich, Moscow Dynamo, Torino, Red Star Belgrade, Steau Bucharest, Dynamo Berlin and, Atvidabergs. The final club were the Swedish cup winners and clearly the weakest of the eight; however, they had knocked out the then current holders of the trophy, Chelsea in the last round. We drew Torino, daunting because a decade prior they had signed both Dennis Law and Joe Baker. We had eight weeks to prepare.

I believe his constituency is, 'Section B Broomfield'?

"Celtic have recently signed four Japanese players and sadly such provocative behaviour is both deliberate and not uncommon. The Drama Channels decision to begin transmission of all three series of Tenko today is anti-catholic and anti-Irish". Cathcart MSP, James Dornan expressed outrage at the Drama Channel's attempt to subjugate the peoples of Ireland. Today, Sky's Drama channel is beginning to broadcast all three series of the Japanese controlled internment camp drama set in Singapore during world war two. Civilian wives and children were separated from their Fathers and interned in a jungle camp where they faced appalling conditions including malnutrition, disease, violence and, death. The Imperial Japanese Army characters, Major Yamauchi, Captain Sato, Sgt Shinya and, Corporal Kasaki were characterised as, "a separate entity" by Kabuki Theatre spokesperson, Hitori no Otoko(One Guy). Tenko begins on Drama Channel today at 14.15 hrs. Celtic have been so far unavailable for comment but a Drama Channel spokesperson, Sum Cnut said, "Banzai".

That clown that plays centre half furra Sellik has his own calendar? Let me guess, December 7 is a picture of him and his four Japanese team mates inside the cockpit of a torpedo bomber; all shouting, 'Tora, Tora, Tora'?

A Divine Wind is about to blow through Scottish football.

I believe it is customary at this point to express an opinion to those Gersnetters still in possession of a lumb. May it aye reek. I suspect this will apply to Gersnetters from Ershur?

The compilers of the Guinness Book of Records for a couple of decades were the McWhirter brothers. Norris and Ross regularly appeared on a childrens TV programme called, 'Record Breakers'.Roy Castle was the host. In November 1975, the PIRA Active Service Unit known as, 'the Balcombe Street Gang' assassinated Ross McWhirter on the doorstep of his home. A heart attack claimed Norris in April'04. I don't know who the Green Brigade can get after to right this heinous wrong?

Fortunately, Charlie Ridiculous was a sublime footballer. Over the decades he has put quite an effort into maintaining his 'Ridiculous' soubriquet. Thirty-five years past, he was holidaying in Ibiza when on a night on the town he decided to steal a chip from a young female fellow tourist. Lori McElroy was an Undergraduate Law student from East Kilbride. She told him to move on because, "I am not impressed". Charlie was a Sellik superstar and slapped Lori. She returned and took out a civil action against Charlie. He was convicted on a charge of assault and fined £1,200 and ordered to pay costs. Twenty-odd years past the then retired Charlie took to Scotland on Sunday to tell us he was a Businessman and as such, "ah love a profit". He was in partnership with Jim Milligan, a friend of the notorious McGovern family. They had half-a-dozen bars in west, central Scotland operating under the name, 'Cafe Cini'. Essentially, wine bars with the added attraction of big breasted waitresses. In the same interview, Charlie waxed lyrical about his favourite all time film, 'Goodfellas' and how it was filled with sage business acumen. You may remember the character in the movie that owned the established restaurant? He could not get the wise guys to pay their bills and made representation to Paulie, the local Goodfella Boss. He offered a partnership and immediately the eatery was being utilised for ordering everything wholesale on credit. Fur coats, crates of spirits and, lobsters went through the front door and out the back to be sold on. Six months later the restaurant was bankrupt and the Joe Pesci character set it alight for insurance. Cafe Cini in Greenock burnt down, followed the next month with Cafe Cini in Union Street, Glasgow being closed for several months unpaid drinks deliveries. Charlie was in the High Court alone, he did not know the whereabouts his partner, Jim Milligan. The speculation was Jim had absconded to the Republic of Ireland and taken up partnerships with Slab and Mex' Murphy. Santa Ponca hosts a couple of bars where the Patrons are replete in ponchos and balaclavas. The PF took the view Charlie was a Patsy, he had lost his entire investment and was expected to come to an arrangement to cover outstanding debts. The McGovern family told Charlie to leave the country. SKY offered Charlie a platform for constant daft Bhoyness and Charlie has never disappointed.

Ra Sellik should inform the SPFL that a change of rules are required. Back in the 60s in deepest, darkest Lanarkshire we had a rule, 'nae toebashers'. A goal was only legitimate if the instep had been utilised. I am surprised Michael Stewart has not used Sportscene to highlight Alfredo's toebashing tendency. Surely, Morelos should be cited?

Rangers 2 St Mirren 0 FGS : Morelos.

......... but, but, but ................... "he's not that type of player". says Michael Stewart.

Please allow me to extend Festive Felicitations to all Gersnetters. On the Feast of Stephen, we should all be mindful of Shagger's secret to maintaining clean sheets, "no letting in any goals" and keep uppermost in our minds the essence of Scottish football, "Sporting Integrity". Wishing you all lot's of pudding and pie.

The Establishment Club. The SPFL Board aka Peter's Place Men decided upon the voting options available to the clubs in lieu of the onset of Covid variant, omicron. Neil Doncaster, Rod McKenzie and, Murdoch MacLennan provided the required analysis, the preferred options and, the get out of Jail free card(Dundee's John Nelm's spam folder) to the SPFL Board and assured Peter that ra Selllik's growing injury crisis was a most manageable problem. They were pursuing the common sense approach and were confident of the outcome. Sellik have cultivated a raft of politicos these last three - four decades, at one point the two Boards running the club contained a former Vice Governor of the Bank of England and three Cabinet Ministers. The Kerrydale Soup Kitchens were serving Vichyssoise and Bouillabaisse. Pottage dripping from his chops, Billy Bunter aka Ian Blackford furthered his Humble Crofter credentials, "the proposal to bring forward the footballing winter break is a sensible proposal". John Swinney was bad cop to Blackford's PC Murdoch, "the League Cup final may have been a super spreader and I urge football supporters to refrain from attending festive season fixtures". Look closely, the seemingly mixed message is the same message. The compliant Scotttish media was on message, the consensus among SPFL clubs was to utilise the winter break as a circuit breaker. Bringing it forward by a week was good sense, the only dissenting voice was as ever, Rangers. Of course, it was important last night's fixtures were completed and Boxing Day's matches be played in front of a maximum of 500 spectators at each game. Sellik could handle a Covid hamstrung St Mirren and bottom of the table St Johnstone, couldn't they? Pat Bonner explained on Sportsound, "every team will have played the same amount of games, no one will have an advantage". Last night's Sportsound was hosted by Big Dick; he was joined by Wullie Miller, Pat Bonner, Michael Stewart and, Alan Preston. Mikey thought the SPLFL decision was, "the sensible approach". Preston approved, "common sense has been applied" and, Wullie was comfortable being part of the majority, "it's only Rangers that see it another way". We were not informed of the other way but found out concurrently Aberdeen Chair, Dave Cormack was e-mailing Nicola appealing for a significant rise is allowed Boxing Day attendances. St Mirren Boss, Jim Goodwin was tasked with leading his lambs to ra Sellik slaughter and he was definitely off message. Strange, he had been photographed at Hampden on Sunday sitting in ra Sellik end with his son replete in green'n'grey scarf. Jim told us the SPFL had broken their own rules, bent over backwards to ensure the fixture went ahead, "I have been allowed to recall four teenagers from loan spells at Lowland League clubs but not the three more experienced loanees at League one and two clubs". He went on, "I have a bench with no Premier League experience whatsoever, there are several players in my dressing room meeting each other for the first time". After the match, when Karma prevailed the atmosphere on Sportsound was best described as 'choking'. Goodwin received some deserved plaudits but mostly there was an atmosphere of every shoulder being applied but Ange could not oblige. Big Dick left it to the end, "the League table looks like this, Rangers are six points ahead. Hibs move into the top six, Aberdeen drop out and St Johnstone are anchored at the foot". Everyone agreed the SPFL took the sensible approach but we never did find out what the other way entailed? As a BBC License Fee paying Rangers supporter, perhaps I can articulate : The Imminent Scottish Football Shutdown. Due to a new Covid strain called Omnibollocks which is unique to footballers, the SPFL look again to give into Sellik's demands and postpone all football until Sellik are happy. Symptoms of this new strain are pulled hamstrings from over exuberant goal celebrations against lesser opponents. Apparently playing AngeBall heightens risk of infection. Boffins claim this new strain first appeared at Sellik Park in 2008 after the club's post season tour of Japan. It may be an offshoot of Sportingintegrititus prevalent in ra Stade de Gadd at this time. It is not believed there is any connection to SeparateEntititus which has surfaced in connection with former employees spending time at Her Majesty's pleasure. Further, Sellik have proposed a contingency plan to the SPFL in case the league cannot be completed. Apparently, the true test of Champions is the ability to pass the ball more and it is accepted that points accrued is sectarian and anti-Irish. If Sellik's proposals are not endorsed completely, the club will make application to play in Palestine. Just saying like.

Apparently, the Referee was intent upon ten minutes injury time tonight in Paisley. However, he cut it to seven when he heard half-a-dozen of the St Mirren players had school tomorrow.

I note Sellik have issued a new statement on the 500 supporters allowed to attend the Stade de Gadd for the upcoming old firm match. Today, the Club has decided to award every season ticket holder who is NOT on the Sex Offenders Register a ticket for the game against Rangers. The 50 tickets remaining will be offered to Glasgow City Council.

I suspect it was Nicholas Fairbairn? Not Guilty after hooking a Polis, lubrication is involved.

Extending festive felicitations to an Edinburgh and Borders Bobby got you huckled, we demand more detail?

Bleak Midwinter. It was Christmas week and both schools and amateur football were placed in cold storage. It would be mid-January before an opportunity presented for tying on the fitbaw bits. Shin pads were optional but on Saturday 18th December'71, they became compulsory as Airdrieonians were the visitors to Ibrox. The Tannochside RSC bus was two thirds full for the Diamonds but already had a waiting list for Christmas Day's visit to the Hibees. The Ibrox attendance was sparse, given as 20,000 but I suspect that was optimistic? Airdrie had a grim reputation that the teams of the era did not deserve. Rangers lined up : McCloy, Jardine, Mathieson, Greig, Jackson, Smith, McLean, Conn, Stein, Fyfe and, MacDonald. Airdrie put out : McKenzie, Jonquin, Clarke, Menzies, Delaney, D Whiteford, Wilson, McKay, Busby, Jarvie and, Cowan. Rangers were in a hurry, running in three goals in the first half. Stein notched in the second minute, Sandy got the second on the 33rd and, Fyfe completed the scoreline on the 37th. The comfort of a three zip result was quite surprising. Airdrie had knocked out both Manchester City(4-2 on aggregate) and Huddersfield(7-2 on aggregate) in the Texaco Cup in the previous several weeks. In fact the Diamonds went all the way to the final, losing 2-1 on aggregate to Brian Clough's Derby County. Drew Jarvie went on to have a decade long career at Aberdeen, the last Third Lanark player playing, Drew Busby did similar at Hearts. McKenzie was a Northern Ireland Keeper, kept out the international side by Spurs Pat Jennings, Paul Jonquin was a battering ram in the tackle and, Billy Wilson had blistering pace. In those days, trips to Broomfield were usually a high scoring adventure, it could be 4-3 either way. I felt a better standard of Manager could have taken that Airdrie side to a sustained higher level? Benny Hill was still number one in the charts, novelty records were quite the thing in the 60s and 70s. BBC 2 aired a serious music show for the first time in September'71. David Attenborough commissioned the Old Grey Whistle Test and was presented by Richard Williams. On the 21st December, TOGWT began another tradition; a ninety minute Christmas Special of highlights. Lindisfarne, David Bowie, Heads Hands and Feet, Elton John, Cat Stevens, Wishbone Ash and Glasgow's very own, Stone the Crows had us captivated. Maggie Bell had the pipes. Christmas Day TV was a cornucopia, Michael Aspel, the Black and White Minstrel Show, Basil Brush, Rolf Harris, Ken Dodd, Morecambe and Wise and, Bruce Forsyth all had their own shows. Endurance and survival techniques were required if you wanted to survive. The big film was, 'Arabesque' - starring Gregory Peck and Sophia Loren. I am convinced the Saviour's Day became a national holiday in Scotland because of the televisual feast. We did New Years back then, the major religious festival was Easter, we worshipped the risen Lord. Half a century past was the last time football matches were scheduled for Christmas Day and for us, Easter Road waited. My old man worked Christmas morning and decided to visit the Mothers Pride Edinburgh Bakery. I accompanied and we took in the game in Leith. The old Dutch fulminated, our Festive Lunch was served at 7 O'Clock in deepest, darkest Lanarkshire. Why do we have Turkey as the preferred festive dish? My Mother proclaimed it to be non-native and always served roasted leg of lamb. It was most welcome that day, the snow flurried continually at Easter Road. Hibs ran out : Herriot, Brownlie, Schaedler, McEwan, Stanton, Blackley, Edwards, Hamilton, O'Rourke, Cropley and, Duncan. We lined up : McCloy, Jardine, Denny, Greig, Jackson, Smith, McLean, Conn, Stein, MacDonald and, Johnston. Rangers had a huge travelling support crammed on to the old high terrace of the Edinburgh ground. The attendance was given as 26,000 but I thought that to be several thousand light? The constant wind whipping up off the Forth made life on the terrace grim but, our tenacity was rewarded in the final minute when Colin Stein emerged from a growing blizzard to knock the ball past Jim Herriot. A 0-1 victory and the two points secured lifted us to third in the table, seven points behind joint leaders Sellik and Aberdeen. One of my Christmas presents that day was a copy of Alistair MacLean's new novel, 'Bear Island'. My Aunt thought it appropriate because it was about Rangers. The tome was set in Norway, not the Isle of Lewis.

Rangers 3 Dundee United 0 FGS : Morelos.

Return of the Ginja Ninja. Recently, Michael has been lamenting his lack of opportunity to spit venom. He has taken to his Twitter account to inform his followers that, "BBC Scotland have not invited me on". These are trying times, Michael has so much hatred to vent and Hunnery is such a big target. RAB Cosgrove has been filling the vacuum, "Gerrard's left before Rangers next Administration", "Rangers are reclaiming history again" and, "that will be Neil McCann no talking to the BBC now". All in the last three weeks, RAB is as reliable as a Hammond organ refrain, filling the middle register. Still, his team have fell to the bottom of the table but it's his Rangers hatred he needs to keep warm. Neil McCann stymied RAB by appearing on Sportscene the very next night but, we had to wait a further week for the Caped Wonder to fidget on the Sportscene settee. His demand for truth, justice and, the Pacific Quay way was laid bare last Sunday. Rangers had successfully navigated the Rhone savage, leaving Lyon with a credible 1-1 draw to be confronted by the waiting, rested Jambos at Tynecastle. The Pacific Quay way was loaded, again! Paul Mitchell(a Jambo) was commentating, John Robertson(a Jambo) was adding colour and, Michael(Foundation of Hearts member) was waiting on the Sportscene studio couch, prepared to wield the trusty sword of fcukwittery. On Sportsound, Paul and John had a conversation on Alfredo's goal being offside, Big Dick and Tom Anguish dismissed this notion at half-time. There was agreement on Aribo's goal being sublime and Tom brought comfort, "Hearts started better, Rangers played for four minutes but if Hearts grab the next goal"? The game ended 0-2 and Tom remained fixated on four minutes. Big Dick wanted to know Robbie Neilson's reaction to being denied a stonewaller? They settled on a consensus, an entertaining game but the Referee lost control. We were reminded of the highlights being available later on that evening where the Ginja Ninja would redefine losing control. On Sportscene, Paul Mitchell's commentary was touched up and Robbo's colour removed. I suspect a semblance of balance was required before broadcast? Richard Foster sat beside the Ginja Ninja as the maroon broadsword was unveiled. The first thrust set the tone, "look, there's no doubt about it, Rangers rode their luck, all the big moments went their way". There was no need to parry and the second swipe carried injustice, "It's about fine margins, such fine margins. It was a frustrating afternoon for Hearts; ah mean ah don't like it but it was a penalty to Hearts". Confidence gained and the cleaving blow ensued, "Nick Walsh lost the plot, flashing yellow cards all over, particularly at Hearts players". Steven Thompson and Richard Foster thought Rangers were deserving of their victory. We move on to last night and Jane Lewis was hosting Sportsound. Adding colour to the Dingwall commentary was both Pat Bonner and Billy Dodds. Richard Foster was sat upon the PQ Naughty Step. On Sunday, Dodds had been subjected to a RAB tirade. Billy had complained about Morton's provision of Porta-Cabin facilities for his Inverness team stating, "they're manky". RAB was convinced Billy would know 'manky', he is a recipient of an EBT. It makes no difference that Dodds took to Scotland on Sunday some ten years past to declare, "I no longer consider myself a Rangers supporter", he just doesn't have the necessary purity for RAB. Anyways, it's half-time and we are told Rangers are winning one nil, Morelos the scorer. We then receive a couple of minutes of Sellik commentary, followed by a full time match report of Hearts - Hibs SWPL fixture, then back to Dingwall for more angst on injury ravaged Sellik. Full time, it's more of the same, two - nil Rangers, Kent adding to the scoring. That was the end of it, the next forty minutes until the end of the broadcast was ten man Sellik's determination to win, scoring the winner in the seventh minute of six added minutes. The key word was, "exuberance", the Green Brigade invaded the pitch to, "celebrate". Big Ange, he of AngeBall was interviewed and his first word on the end of match scenes was, "exuberance". Jane and Pat further utilised the word several times. Pacific Quay was exuberant in their liberal usage of 'exuberance'. I was surprised at Ross County boss, Malky McKay being allowed to broadcast live, "it seemed the Referee was going to allow play to continue until they scored". There was no exuberance at such a remark, it was repeated as often as the Rangers result. The remark that defined the PQ weekend was made(scripted) by Cat Harvey, guest on Off the Ball. There was a discussion about the necessary etiquette of constant Christmas online deliveries and Cat said, "I always bung the delivery driver an Alfredo". RAB guffawed, ah mean laughing at your own scripted jokes? Such was the exuberance, it was repeated, "ah always bung the delivery driver a wee Fredo" to another guffaw. We know RAB is a PhD in Theatre and Media, but may I suggest the joke would work better if you study Japanese theatre ie Kabuki. The classical diving character is entitled, 'Kyogo' - a right wee cnut of a Furuhashi.