26th of foot

Alasdair McKillop has noted something that is most familiar to most weary viewers of ra sectarianism industry. The frequency of Yahoos to quote the very same latest statistic/evidence/theme that is most supportive to their perspective. It is uncanny, Tom Devine, James McMillan, Phil McStupidname, Patrick O'Reilley, Tom Minogue, Jeanette Findlay, ...............et al; all punch home the very same point, reinforced by the same reference. I suppose it's a catechism. More power to Alasdair, I gave up on Tom Devine as a Historian when he described the Covenanters as the forerunners to the Taliban.

I believe Mad Joe to be President of ra Sellik Supporters Association(CSA). The last President of the CSA was Jefferson Davis, and he ended up with his visog on many a paper bill. Mad Joe hail hails from ra Port'/Greenock way, thus has water on the brain and believes in molasses, cotton, slavery, and the Confederate way.

We should all be grateful to Mad Joe O'Rourke for providing a window on to Planet Yahoo. Truly, nothing is ever what it seems. Confused, you will be! "The Crown Prosecuting Service"? What the fcuk has that got to do with Goodwillie? In Planet Scotland, we have the Procurator Fiscal to decide if there is a case to answer. In England/Wales, there is the Crown Prosecution Service(CPS). Thus, we must assume Mad Joe thinks Armadale, West Lothian is located in England/Wales. Poor, poor Joe, blinded by his balaclava.

Another example of Michael Grant flashing his 'credentials'.

Who is the News Editor at BBC Scotland these days? Is it still Diarmid O'Hara?

Some of the younger posters might be unaware of the precedence of ra Sellik-minded on SFA Committees. In the late sixties, the Chair of the SFA Disciplinary Panel was Sir Robert Kelly. Rangers star centre forward, Colin Stein was due in front of said panel in the middle of March for a sending-off against Clyde. It was expected that Stein would receive a 2-4 week suspension(in those days, you were suspended for a time period as opposed to a number of games). Colin, Colin Stein was suspended for SIX weeks. It transpired that the Committee consensus was setteled on 4 weeks but Sir Bob pushed for SIX. Colin Stein was thus suspended for the old firm Scottish Cup final and any replay that may ensue. Ra Sellik and self interest!

aspirations should be encouraged.

i'm a rich hall man myself.

Last year on Rangers Media, someone posted pictures from Barking Mad Andy Muirhead's wedding. The Bride was truly frightening, a real monster of tattoos and brocade. Andy should be concerned, really concerned because when those pictures reach Inuit Monthly; the sound of paddles and grunts will fill the air. As Bride of Muirhead lounges on the balmy beaches of Dumbarton, kayaks will slide ashore. Harpoons will be discharged and clubs will wield. Andy can console himself on the integrity of his ecological footprint(keeping it green), his wife will feed and light a dozen Eskimo villages across Greenland.

Sir, I have replied.

'Sellik superior slowly succumbs to sectarian serpent'. Let's hope so.

W e are all missing the real impact of the possibility of the return of King Carlos. It was widely reported when he left that he had an eight foot pet python. Three years on, it must be 12 feet and hungry. When ra Sellik next come to visit, let the snake drape over the away dug out. If the python was to coil around Lenny ra Loser, and repeatably sink it's two inch fangs into his visog; then that's just mother nature. Snakes got to eat too.

Never, never, NEVER, miss an opportunity to ridicule ra Bhoy in ra Corduroy.

Robert McAuley is a low life, a bottom feeder who has found his natural home at News International. Kevin Smith and Anna Smith(no relation) have a long standing working relationship. It's almost 20 years ago, but check out both Anna's and Kevin's presentation of 15,000 Rangers supporters travelling to Sunderland for a testimonial. The conclusion was that the story was pre-written. I suspect the Stirling Albion game might fall into the same category?

The Chief Constable of Central Region Constabulary is Kevin Smith. Kevin was Chief Superintendent at Strathclyde's E Division(London Road) and thus Match Commander at ra Stydome for 4 years. As an Assistant Chief Constable at Strathclyde, he headed up their policing of parades. Further, he was an(the) official police advisor to Glasgow City Council's anti-sectarianism committee(seven councillors, all rc). Kevin's auld man was the founder of Glasgow police officers catholic guild. Kevin is oft referred to in rc church publications as, "the cop with the candles". Kevin Smith worked closely with the then Chief Reporter of the Daily Record, Anna Smith(no relation). Anna was often tipped off when E Division policed council workmen painting kerb stones black at Brigton Cross, after the locals had daubed them red, white, and blue; or when the police made dawn raids in Cambuslang in the lee of Sunderland '93; or when police protection was granted to a parish priest making his rounds in Dalmarnock, or when ....................... etc. Last month in Alloa(central region) an IRA fest was organised for 300, Central Rewgion police made NO objection.

Apparently, ra Sellik have stumbled on the yellow brick road. The Emerald City remains unachievable to Lenny ra Loser. The mighty Mariners have defeated the forever cheated, one nil. However, ra Sellik should have had a penalty.

Well, sincerely I hope the proposed new monthly affair includes four pages of pet dogs, cats, hamsters, ...................... and Yahoos wearing Rangers scarfs and tammies? Oh, and a double page correspondence presentation; lot's of inane letters about how nutricious the Ibrox pies are, and stating the Bovril is a true panacea.

The TriumphilisTIC Triumvirate of Roseanna Cunnigham, Frank Mulholland, and Christine Grahame have been on home turf for ten minutes and are already 0-3 down. I suspect this will be quietly buried early in the new year. I wonder if our new Lord Advocate will ask his usual question at his beloved Sellik's AGM next year?

Poor, poor Martin. I suppose he will have to turn all his attention to his bijou vineyard en Provence. Back breaking days between the rows of vines, moving and stacking those lime stones to the more exposed vines. Heat must be retained during those cold Provence nights, particularly when the Mistral is blowing. The tipping point for harvest will soon be upon him, all that plump bursting fruit must be monitored. Then, there's retaining the AOC by proving terroir ie the land imparts a unique quality to the wine. Ah mean, it could be Martin's couple of acres are just an offshoot of the far bigger next door vineyard, owned by SDM? Anyways, let's wish a successful future to, 'Perma-Tan Vin'.

In a know your enemy type of way, may I recommend a tome penned by Pat Woods and Tom Campbell, 'the Glory and the Dream'; published in 1987 as a Centenary history of ra Sellik. Yep, I did write '1987' because 'if you know your history' ra Sellik were founded in St Mary's Halls in November 1887. The reason I recommend this book is because it is thoroughly candid on the history, no to very little revisionism. The third chapter is entitled, 'Catholic and Irish'. The authors report all early Sellik sides were 100% rc. The real deal comes in many stories relating to ra Sellik's first(and long term) manager, Willie Maley. Sellik's history is easier to trace because all games, macinations, and club politics were faithfully recorded by the various rc newspapers of the time, particularly the Scottish Catholic Observer. The main journo on the SCO was Willie Maley's brother, Tom; better known by his nom de guerre, 'the Man in the Know'. For a period of fifty years, this out and out bigot filled the pages of the SCO with his bile. In the 20s, if and when ra Sellik beat Rangers, he would for example report the result as, 'Sinn Feiners 1 - Black and Tans 0'. Lenny ra Loser aspires to be Willie/Tom Maley.

I can provide this assurance, the next invitation to you and yours will be extended before the summer is out. Further, the vini rosato provided will be a direct purchase from Japan, in five gallon drums. I began this current odyssey immediately south of Brittany, in the Loire Valley. Picked up a dozen bottles of the local Cidre de Garde, the only accompanyment to a black pudding supper and two pickles. I will shove a bottle in your paw as you leave Casa 26th pissed.

Having listened to Frankie constantly exhort the benefits of family holidays in the Lake District, I have moved 500 miles east to the small hamlet of Varenna on the side of Lake Como. It's a fine marriage of hillsides and water, no daffodils though. However, a fair number of Jemima Puddle-Ducks can be heard around the cafes and bars. Talking of quackery, I have continued my quest to be a witness to the world brand that is ra Sellik. I settled at a table on the periphery of Milan's Piazza del Duomo and with the aid of poorly remebered schoolboy Latin and Eyewitness Travel Guide's Italian Phrase Book; I engaged those around me with, "Scusate, avete sentito parlare di Plastica McGeady"? Blank looks all around, I forwarded, "ha brilliantemente svolto contro AC Milano quattro anni fa. Egli a world class". One sophisticated Rossoneri removed his sun glasses and wrinkled his nose. Well, you can imagine how I felt fellow Gersnetters, inconsolable at the growing realisation that we have been actively and deliberately mislead by those slave to ra Sellik propaganda machine. I alternated sips between expresso and vini rosso and decided to adopt the Stanley Baxter approach, "any'a'you parlare di greatest young calcio di football mondial, Neil Lennon"? A snigger and a snort from behind, Paulo introduced himself in perfect English and announced he supported Internazionale. He enquired whether my expresso was a double and offered to retrieve my guide dog. Like Frankie Howerd's character in Up Pompei, Lurcio; I can offer, 'my ghast is flabbered'. Tomorrow is market day in Belano, I will scour the stalls for traces of gree e gregio. Ciao for now.

I am as delighted as any Bear that articles containing glaring inaccuracies are finally being dealt with by the club. As a support, we have endured a period in excess of two decades where it felt continually like gratuitous open season on Rangers. As stated, any personal criticism of SDM met swift intervention; however, both Rangers and the support were allowed to dangle in the wind. Each case on it's individual merits, I would advocate the threat of the big stick far more than it's actual use. We must ensure we do not pick battles we cannot win. A wee cautionery tale from 22 years ago. The then Chief Sports Writer for the Herald, James Traynor deliberately antagonised Souness after a European Cup match against Bayern Munich. The spat rumbled on for a few weeks, Traynor kept up a steady stream of baiting comments, both in print and at press conferences. Souness snapped, called Traynor, "a little socialist" in front of the press pack, and later that day informed Airdrie's nominee for the Pulitzer, "you are banned from Ibrox". Whoopee? Not exactly, Traynor went from the back pages to the front pages for the ensuing four weeks. Jim Traynor, a martyr? I know, I know, he became a cause celebre. Editorials appeared in other newspapers, some of those not English languaged based. The result, the ban was withdrawn after a month, a climbdown from Souness and the club. We must get it absolutely correct when wielding the big stick.

Two years ago, I spent ten days on Isle D'Oleron and took the day boat to La Rochelle. Read the protestant history of that town, then let the Yahoos tell you about 'persecution'. Van Go did all his work in and around Arles. Penniless and starving, he drank a bottle of Absinthe and cut his ear off, became a fcuking genius. Died a pauper though. However, I thought I would mention it since Van Go is an anagram of Govan and thus Vincent was a Bear.

These last dozen days, I have found myself among the pastis sipping, navette munching, and lavender wearing surrender monkeys du sud de la France. It's a common sight to see the youth sporting the football tops of Barca, Real Madrid, Chelsea, Arsenal, Man U, and particularly Olympic Marseille. I know Gersnetters, like me you are non-plussed at the absence in that list of the Greatest football club in the world. Peter Lawwell has been telling all and sundry for five years that ra Sellik are a world brand, proud of heritage and origins, and project an instantly recognisable image. The green'n'grey hoops are unique in world football; well, unless your in Yeovil, Dublin, Lisbon, .................. etc . In the rice paddies of Japan/China, the Kim-chi fields of Korea, .................. and in the Fergese Tirane kitchens of Albania; men and women crowded around short wave radio sets, avidly listening to live commentry of ra Sellik. Children in Ulan Bator are soothed to sleep each evening by Glen Daily's, 'it's a grand old team'. It's all true, continually reinforced by both broadcast and print media performing mutual masterbation. How can the EPL resist? I note Lawwell's latest musings on, "the English and Welsh premiership". I have found a place where we can all breath, it's at the mouth of the Rhone, Arles is a tranquil idyll. A Roman town with lots of architecture to prove it, an amphitheatre, an arena, and bath houses too. I spoke with some American archaeologists last evening, on a three month dig in the amphitheatre. They may have found Russell Crow's flip-flop, but have discovered no trace of ra Sellik. It was market day today, Arles temporarily has no Les Halles, they close the main drag for a kilometre and a couple of hundred stalls appear for the morning. It's the usual mix of local and world wide produce. My wife ensured two hours in the locale, no sign of green'n'grey. A stall selling football tops had the usual suspects including a whole host of North African jerseys, but alas no ra Sellik. There's an Irish pub, I ventured in, the usual homage to Plastique Paddery adorned the walls, again no trace of ra Sellik. Fellow Gersnetters, I give you Arles and the Camargue. Even the local cowboys don't wear corduroy.