26th of foot

Of course, you are correct. I believe Hartson shares his brain with Tom Boyd, it's a reciprocal arrangement that allows John to borrow Tom's gonad on a temporary basis. Tom took John's brain on a cerebral perambulation, leading to the overturned golf buggie. Tom is a self-confessed 'Daftie', a fraudster took £70,0000 off him some two years past, he promised Tom times two return within six months. Tom has worked for ra Sellik TV these last several years and is always anxious to flash his credentials. Hopefully, Tom will return. 'the BIG chunk' soonest and allow John to safely navigate his way around a golf coarse? John and Tom, united in symbioTIC partnership.

The Yahoos won the league, thus are guaranteed a home league opener to unveil the flag. Further, that will be a Saturday game, either 12.30 or 15.00hrs kick-off. If we are to open at Ibrox, it will be a Sunday, the Polis will not have both halves of the old firm at home on the same day. A juicy live TV match, must be Hibs, TLB will be back at the Doctors looking for an increase in his medication. In saying all that, I expect us to be away to Hearts or Aberdeen.

Let's change this around and make it a bit more punchy and pertinent, 'not a bankrupt's chance on a golf cart'.

Charging at windmills is pointless; however, satirical parody of ra Yahoos' excesses is always worth a tilt.

I know I am a bit ropey on Spanish history, but I think it's where El Cid armed with a pairing knife and a collection of soft fruit defeated an invading horde of Yahoos in the Seville area. There was only one captured prisoner, a book thief apparently? Anyways, Segovia was so impressed, he dedicated a whole symphony, 'Sympathy for ra Yahoo' and Dali was inspired to create, 'Christ at ra Pawn'. There is a fact based tome entitled, 'The Seville Calculator' which is best consulted before making the trip. Forewords by both Charlton Heston and Sophia Loren.

The Arabs are reinventing the wheel. Wee Jim McLean had that distance rule in place during his entire tenure at the club. I note when Jum Spence occasionally reports on his second favourite club, he refers to the United Chair as, "Mick Martin". Probably plays better with both Jum and Mick's favourite club?

BBC Scotland will be in meltdown, Cosgrove will be aghast, Jum's flabber will be gasted, Barr Bru will be too foo to run to Boreham Wood, .................................. etc. Nicola's goat tae soort this oot, so she his!

Gilmour is a player, gets it down, heads-up, and gives and goes. The second half was one way traffic, England dominated possession. On occasion, we had possession but seemed unable to make anymore that two-three passes, before aimlessly launching it up field. Again, all my life, why do England continue to have greater physicality than Scotland?

I think we should burn Spiers before, halftime, and post-match. Extra Crispy Loyal RSC.

Naughty, naughty! The Dandy Dons will be calling on soothsayers, sticking pins in Voodoo Dolls to give you the Duke of Argylls, and demanding Big Dick confirm no interest from Sevco, Pie and Bovril will be undertaking in depth research into a H-u-n called, 'Frankie', calling Gordon Waddell to shine another light on the dark corners of H-u-nery. Oh, and Liam McLeod would get all hot, bothered, and hissy. Let's sign him.

Gosh, what will Jim Craig say? Remember, Jim was in a state of shock at the "decaying" state of Ibrox eighteen months past. He told Sellik TV viewers, "I'm a tad uneasy watching fellow Celts celebrate wildly in a decaying stadium". The Daily Record(going into a fourth year of commercial partnership with Sellik FC ie they print Sellik's match day programme and ra Sellik View) reported Jim Cra\ig to be, "in a state of shock". We are all in a state of shock that Jim is the only declared bankrupt Dentist in Scotland. Fux sake, when Jim was in practice, the average west of Scotland wean drank a glass of Irn Bru and ate a bar of Caramac for their breakfast.

In 1955, the Rangers Supporters Association purchased the Albion, and donated the ground to Rangers as a training ground.

These last ten days, I have been lazing in the sun. The southern French town of Bandol, within spitting distance of Toulon. Yesterday, I met an old mate for lunch in said naval port and he announces he had spied Mr Gerrard the evening before in a swanky bistro, sharing a repast with a tall black chap. Of course, Monsieur Pogba is unhappy at Man U; we could put two and two together to solve our defensive midfield frailties? Or, we could accept that Stevie was sharing war stories with Serge Blanco. I liked Serge. Let the speculation flow.

Before ra Sellik kicked a ball in their first game against a Rangers xi(the Swifts), ground had been purchased and two grand stands erected, a wooden cycling track had been laid, and an exhibition game was played between Hibs and Renton on the ground. Ra Sellik promptly signed the better halves of both sides; condemning the original Hibees into oblivion and Renton to a junior football future. The four teenagers founding Rangers played their games on a tidal flood plain. It took Rangers first eleven three months to gather sufficient pennies to purchase a second hand football from Queens Park. The price was seven shillings and sixpence(37.5 pence post decimal). Truly, Collymore is a clown.

Cue ........ All media Yahoo types and fellow travelers fulminating at the injustice. When Hearts and Hibs have done it to our away support, it was supported by the usual suspects because it suited their prejudice.

Like Brendan O'Hara MP, like Stuart Cosgrove, like James Cook, like Jane Hamilton, like ........................................... etc; Gary will give an assurance of regret, the language will be redefined as, 'cheeky', offer an apology if one is desired, and quietly move to a position of, 'careful hate'.

MOH has put forward a few mitigating circumstances, he thought his ticket was in a neutral area, no offence intended, his mindset is one of frustration because of a lack of opportunity to prove his worth, .............. etc. At the top of the thread, I stated his action was simply unprofessional. Unfortunately for MOH, this is his second unprofessional act at Rangers. He was told to trap for a youth game and failed to show. A poor example for youth players, something his Youth Coach father would be most aware and find empathy. MOH should be put on the transfer list immediately.

Who is advising MOH? Simply, unprofessional.

As someone who served sixteen years in the Parachute Regiment, I would not advise submitting footballers to eight weeks basic training. Remember, we are all products of our conditioning.

I attended the Scottish Cup replay at Rugby Park because they abstained. I wanted to attend Murrayfield earlier this season but it was an official Hearts home game and they kept the accrued monies, after rental. If reserve football returns, I will attend Ibrox and support the second string. It is for every Bear to decide on their own reaction to events of six years past; again, politely I ask you to refrain from giving Rangers haters a single penny. I say this as someone who habitually chucked a fiver into the buckets being held by supporters of clubs in administration ie Dundee, Pars, 'Well, ............ etc.

I'll drink to that .....................

Leckie suffers from depression, penned a tome about the condition. The Herald's Neil Cameron is often off work due to his battles with the Black Dog. Lennon is brave to admit he suffers from dark episodes, ......................... etc. It's a self help group, providing mutual support. I am happy for everybody involved to receive the necessary medication and advice. Leckie also suffers from H-u-n Hatred, note in his piece we are foaming at the mouth. Apparently, there were 3,000 of us present at Easter Road, Bill missed the part where Hibs halved our allocation, although he probably supported Hibs in doing so. There is the problem, decades of marginalising, demonising, and dehumanising the Rangers support ensures it is now common currency. It's default position, whatever Neil does, it's the Rangers supporters fault. Even when he is threatening pregnant partners?

Where would you place the keystone?

Neil, you are letting yourself down, 'VILE sectarian songs' if you please. I believe several beat combos in the sixties stated that participation in the partaking of a white powdered substance increased their lucidity, perhaps you should try it?

Reference BBC Radio Scotland on Saturday. I tuned in to hear objective host of the show Big Dick Gordon telling us breathlessly that Tom English had, 'a sit down interview' with Yahoo skipper, Scot Brown. Five minutes it took to preview the three Premiership bottom half games, the various play-off matches, and a current up date on Cowdenbeath versus Cove Rangers. Then, "over to Tom and fascinating insight into Scot Brown and how Brendan has reinvigorated him". Tom begins with the number of POTY awards picked up by Brown, despite not scoring a goal all season. In fact, Tom informs the audience that Scot has failed to notch in 72 matches. Giggles all round and Tom serves up an absolute dolly, "it appears this season that opposition players are deliberately out to maim you"? Broony replies, "Aye, ......................................................". A first for me ensued, I turned off my radio. Consider, last season with a double header coming up against Rangers. The Broonaldo is on a clear revenge mission against Ross County's Liam Boyce, he challenges from the side, right leg fully extended off the ground, a flat of the boot connection on the standing leg of an unsuspecting Boyce. A red card every day of the week, twice on Sunday. There are no dissenting voices, it's deserved, and wholly legitimate. There is an exception, Brenda announces his intention to appeal a decision accepted by the player. The Compliant Officer obliges and the red is reduced to a yellow. Truly, this was Tom English's Jim White moment, 'deliberately out to maim you', indeed? Beeb Scotland don't do satire anymore, they love the Establishment club. Sportscene's highlights package is difficult; there are less than five minutes to cram in ten goals, a red card, two penalty claims, and Lennon's end of match actions. They show Whittaker's deliberate hand to ball, but do NOT discuss it, and marvel at Neil's aeroplane impersonation; Dandy Don Jonathon Sutherland introduces, "like Neil Lennon, we're all flying". The montage at the end of the prog' is Hibs fifth, Neil flying in front of the Bears, Consedine's goal, and the Broon lifting the trophy. In so many aspects, we are UNLUCKY!