Leaderboard

Hertha BSC Short Summary You believe the best part about football is the soap-opera drama surrounding it. Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style A mystery. Overview After four years of dreadful anti-football under Pál Dárdai, Berlin wanted a new, fresh image. All of Germany rejoiced! Pretty football for the not so pretty German capital, how wonderful. For that endeavour, they promoted U19 manager Ante Čović and found a sugar daddy in Lars Windhorst to pump cash up their butts til Kingdom Come. Now they had the money to finally license a new stadium anthem. For whatever reason, being a rich guy’s plaything didn’t do them any favour in their general popularity. Nevertheless, people were cautiously optimistic they’d see another ambitious team playing attractive football. Can never have enough of those, right? A draw against Bayern in the opening match of the season was hailed as a success. Hooray, the project was fully underway on its path to glory! What followed were three losses, so now the project was clearly on its death throes. But then, miraculously, they won their next three fixtures against the Bundesliga juggernauts Paderborn, Köln, and Düsseldorf! A modern football fairytale, the Small Village ClubTM Hertha Berlin triumphing against nigh insurmountable odds. Aaaand then they went on a bad spell again. Enough was enough for Berlin’s top dogs, who fired Čović and did the only sensible thing: hire Jürgen fucking Klinsmann. Now, to be fair, during his last time as a manager in the Bundesliga he may not have won a title with Bayern. But isn’t that a remarkable achievement in its own right? Failing where success is set in stone? He defied expectations, subverted them as only Rhian Johnson can. Though in all honesty, it’s not uncommon for Bayern fans to credit him with rebuilding the club internally, modernising it in key aspects like youth development. Bayern almost certainly wouldn’t be where they are today and have been in recent years if it weren’t for Klinsmann. Back to the present. Klinsmann wanted to transform Berlin into the Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin. His tenure started well enough, but the team still wasn’t living up to the expectations. To the utter shock and disbelief of everyone, Klinsmann seemed to not be up to the task of coaching a (ambitious) Bundesliga club. California Sunshine was determined to see it through, however, because California Sunshine ain’t no quitter. That is, until 11 February, when he did what any well-adjusted football manager would do and went on Facebook to announce he would step down as Berlin’s manager without previously consulting with anyone in the club beside sugar daddy extraordinaire Lars Windhorst. Although he intended to remain on the supervisory board, he was summarily told to sod off. His time at the striving Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin was short, but oh so sweet. Klinsmann’s assistant, Alexander Nouri, took up the mantle of interim manager until the league’s temporary suspension. Out of the four matches he was at the helm, Berlin won once, drew twice, and lost once. Nouri is a friendly, intelligent, and thoughtful person, but his record at his last managerial appointment (Ingolstadt) was zero wins, three draws and five losses, so it shouldn’t have come as a shocking surprise. For the third time of the season, Berlin didn’t have the right manager. So during the involuntary pandemic pause, management came together and signed the actual right man for the job: Bruno Labbadia. A mainstay of German football, he’s the one to call when your club is underperforming and in need of a pick-me-up. While Labbadia doesn’t have the best reputation, he is a capable manager who can transform clubs for the better. Whether he can do so in Berlin remains to be seen. Fun fact: It bears repeating that Berlin spent about 76 million € in the winter transfer period, more than any other club in Europe. They are currently 13th in the league and were defeated by Schalke in the DFB-Pokal. Another fun fact, hot off the presses: Jürgen Klinsmann’s departure left a void in the supervisory board, and who better to fill that gap than Jens Lehmann. I’ll just let my good friend Sartre’s musician persona do the talking Who to watch? Picking a good player out of a group of underperformers is like choosing a spot to be kicked at 一 some are much worse than others, but it’s gonna be bad nonetheless. Maximilian Mittelstädt, Arne Maier, or Javairo Dilrosun have all been much better before and are absolutely huge talents, but aren’t really noteworthy as of right now, sadly. Winter arrival Matheus Cunha has been a ray of hope among the darkness of fighting against the spectre of relegation, despite his Brazilian theatrics. FC Augsburg Short Summary You like listening to regular reminders that Augsburg is famous for puppetry. Current kit. Apparently, Augsburg doesn’t have a proper mascot and have relied on puppets from the Augsburger Puppenkiste in recent seasons. If I’m not mistaken, this season it’s this guy. Playing Style Run of the mill Bundesliga football. Somewhat competent in pressing, will sometimes show nice passing to move the ball forward. Overview There’s not a whole lot to Augsburg, is there? Avoiding relegation season after season, they have become something of a regular Bundesliga midtable team, albeit usually in the lower region. They managed a draw against Bayern, I suppose. Other than that, their season has been about as exciting as mayonnaise is spicy. At least that’s what I initially thought before inspecting their results further. Using modern technology, mathematical analysis has shown that only two of their league matches had a total goal tally of one or less, a 0-0 draw against Wolfsburg and a 1-0 win against Paderborn. In the rest, an average of 3,78 goals were scored. Among them was a spectacular, thrilling 3-5 loss against Dortmund, a match that was Augsburg’s to take after leading 3-1, until Erling Haaland entered the Bundesliga in style. They also brought all of us great joy by being eliminated in the first round of the DFB-Pokal by fourth division side SC Verl, in a surprising 1-2 loss. Good times, good times. Losing all but two matches in 2020 resulted in Augsburg’s upper echelon pulling the plug and firing manager Martin Schmidt during the ongoing pandemic pause. His replacement will be Heiko Herrlich, and if his rough tenure at Leverkusen is anything to go by, you should prepare for more roughness. Who to watch? Ruben Vargas is a competent winger who will sooner than later play for a bigger club. 1. FSV Mainz 05 Short Summary Another carnival club. So when you like that and also want everyone to speak an inscrutable dialect, choose Mainz. Current kit. No. Playing Style Pretty bad this season. Another bog-standard Bundesliga side. Pressing, check. Fluent attacking every now and then, check. You get the idea. Overview Poor Mainz. They have a decent squad with lots of talented players, as shown when they beat Hoffenheim 5-1 or in their other victories. But rarely have I seen a team occasionally collapse as badly as they do since Hamburg was relegated. In just the third league match, they were battered 1-6 by Bayern. Too bad that about two months later, Leipzig took up that challenge and completely, utterly destroyed them in a 0-8 dismantling. Consequently, manager Sandro Schwarz was released in November and succeeded by Achim Beierlorzer, who you might remember was let go by Köln not that much earlier. He didn’t do terribly, especially given his tenure at Köln, but Mainz is still in deep trouble, being just four points clear of the relegation zone. Fun fact: Mainz also dropped out of the DFB-Pokal in the first round, losing to Kaiserslautern. Not as funny as Augsburg’s mishap, but a good effort nonetheless. Who to watch? Moussa Niakhaté is a good centre-back, and Robin Quaison has scored twelve goals this season, showing he’s got what it takes to succeed in the Bundesliga. Fortuna Düsseldorf Short Summary You want to stan an American keeper, or you like the thrill of fighting an uphill battle. Current kit. Düsseldorf doesn’t have a mascot, but this was the second result when I searched for it anyway. Playing Style Much improved under their new manager. Surprisingly energetic and lively football for a team in 16th, with lapses in defense costing them crucial points. Overview You know you’re in a bad spot when you’re 16th in the league and no one is too surprised by it. Bar some exceptions 一 Erik Thommy, Zackary Steffen, Kaan Ayhan or Kevin Stöger come to mind 一, their squad simply isn’t good enough to stay in the league by virtue of individual quality alone. No remarkable results to speak of outside of a 3-3 draw against Schalke, the only thing worth mentioning is that they released Bundesliga legend Friedhelm Funkel and hired Uwe Rösler, who you might know from his years in the Premier League. Until that point, Düsseldorf wasn’t even comically bad, they were just a sad bunch of underperformers. Under Rösler, Düsseldorf has a league record 1-4-1, a respectable tally for a side under this much pressure. They have a long way to go if they want to leave the relegation zone for good, but so far they have come across as revitalised, showing that playing to the strength of your players elevates a team above the quality of the individuals. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, and so on. As /u/SamCooper07 pointed out to me, Düsseldorf has a special connection to Ipswich Town, about which you can read here. Fun fact: they reached the quarter-finals in the DFB-Pokal and were booted out by Saarbrücken. Who to watch? Keeper Zackary Steffen, on loan from Manchester City, is a good one and proved he’s too good to rot on the bench, although he’s currently injured. If you’re more of a connoisseur, an appreciator of the fine arts, then Kevin Stöger is right up your alley. He’s a midfield metronome, playing precise passes, being a creative driving force. Seriously, he’s really, really good, and we will no doubt be seeing him at an international club soon. Werder Bremen Short Summary This is the end Beautiful friend This is the end My only friend, the end Of our elaborate plans, the end Of everything that stands, the end No safety or surprise, the end I'll never look into your eyes again Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Sorrow, despair, mixed with a hint of longing for the warm embrace of Max Kruse, all set to their new anthem. Overview Bremen have crashed spectacularly this season. Conceding the most goals in the league while being joint last in the scoring department, it’s easy to see why they are in the second-to-last place. As is so often the case, statistics alone don’t provide a complete picture of the situation. At times, Bremen play well. No really, they do! Not amazingly well, admittedly, but certainly better than their standing implies. However, they only play well until they concede or face too much pressure. Suddenly, all of the intelligent pressing ceases, defenders start to resemble headless chickens, and scoring goals seems like a distant dream, lost among the sands of time. In a distant place among a sea of dandelions, sunshine glistens in a solitary tear shed by Thomas Schaaf whenever Bremen play another match. Manager Florian Kohfeldt was seen as the next big thing in German football. A tactician as well as a motivator, he was at times rumoured to replace Lucien Favre in Dortmund. While his Bremen side, despite their struggles, defeated Dortmund in the Pokal, that was merely a temporary band-aid for their woes in the league. Already trailing Düsseldorf by four points, the prospect of them clawing their way out of the relegation zone appears far fetched, a pipe dream. Under normal circumstances they would have the quality to achieve that feat, no doubts about that, but under these supposed normal circumstances they wouldn’t be in that dire situation in the first place. What is there left to say but reminisce about football’s fickle nature? Sometimes, without rhyme or reason, clubs wake up on the wrong foot one day and step in manure over and over, until they don’t reach greener pastures where all that crap accumulated around their feet is the perfect fertiliser. Fun fact sponsored by /u/promocodeclq: the last time Bremen managed to snag a point from Bayern was a 0-0 draw in 2010. Their last win against the Bavarians was a 5-2 in 2008. How times change, eh? Who to watch? Last season’s darling Maximilian Eggestein hasn’t been able to keep up his good form. So the choice is Milot Rashica, a lively, quick winger who can also play as a striker. SC Paderborn 07 Short Summary Paderborn is your team when you value staying true to yourself and your values, even to a fault. Current kit. Why does it have whiskers? Playing Style Quick passing, direct counters, aggressive pressing. At least that’s what they’re trying and mostly failing to do. Overview Their promotion took many by surprise. With the style mentioned above, they rose through the ranks and achieved the impossible. After nearly being relegated to the fourth division following their brief stint in the top flight of German football, they fought their way back and have gloriously returned. I, among others, highly respect manager Steffen Baumgart for not changing too much about his team’s approach now that they’re back. The only problem is that they’re not in the second league anymore. The players, collectively, aren’t good enough to play that kind of football against first league clubs. Commendable, surely, but ultimately they are dying a beautiful death. Obviously they still got a 3-3 draw against Dortmund, because of course they did, and it shouldn’t go unmentioned that they had Bayern on the ropes in a close 2-3 defeat. They would need to gain six points just to draw level with Düsseldorf as they currently stand. In the name of suspense, the match they’ll play this weekend will be against, you guessed it, Düsseldorf. A decisive match that could either reignite a last flame of hope or fully and utterly extinguish it. Their other fixtures are a mixed bag, facing off against Gladbach, Leipzig and Dortmund on the one hand, while also having to play against Bremen and Augsburg. A lot could happen in the remainder of the season, but anything other than direct relegation would prove to be a monumental feat. Who to watch? Just like Union Berlin, Paderborn doesn’t have one player overshadowing the rest. Instead, be assured that you’ll be seeing several of them at other Bundesliga sides (or elsewhere in Europe) next season, regardless of Paderborn’s ultimate fate. Luca Kilian, Klaus Gjasula, Abdelhamid Sabiri, Sebastian Vasiliadis, and Streli Mamba are all quite good and could thrive in the right team.

VfL Wolfsburg Short Summary The city of Wolfsburg is a glorified train station and that’s about as good a metaphor for this club as you can get. Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Bland and as inspiring as a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal, like a standard 4-2-3-1 tactic in Football Manager that you choose because your players are apparently too stupid to follow anything more complex. I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed. Overview Now we’re starting to get to the dull, grey midfield of “clubs that certainly exist in the Bundesliga”, reigned by Wolfsburg. After Kevin de Bruyne carried them to winning the DFB-Pokal in 2015 on his big Belgian back, as well as a formidable second place in the league, they have since regressed into relative obscurity. Their current season is decent enough, and their standing would obviously be much better if they hadn’t lost seven out of ten matches between November and February. New manager Oliver Glasner has yet to unleash the full quality of Wolfsburg’s squad, although some would say a seventh place is right where they belong given the quality of the competition for the international spots. Speaking of which, Wolfsburg are among the many teams in Germany to have played internationally in recent times. This Europa League season, they lost the first Ro16 leg against Donetsk 1-2 at home. Not terrible, but they need to put in a significant effort to pull it around. In 14/15, they reached the Europa League quarter-finals, where Napoli beat them fair and square 6-3 on aggregate. And in 15/16, they were narrowly knocked out by Real Madrid in the Champions League quarter-final, a bittersweet memory for the wolves in green. Wolfsburg is always good for a surprise, but those have become rare occurrences. Their fans won’t want to talk about it, and I’m very sorry to you two, but it has to be mentioned that Wolfsburg crashed out of the Pokal by losing 1-6 to Leipzig. At home. And to think that a mere eleven days earlier, the same matchup 一 albeit in Leipzig 一 ended in a 1-1 draw. Apart from that, they haven’t had a hand in any goal festivals or major upsets. Ah, to have finally reached the intoxicating excitement of the Bundesliga midtable. Who to watch? Xaver Schlager. He was injured for a long time, but since his return showed (glimpses of) his quality. Definitely someone we’ll see at a bigger club one day. SC Freiburg Short Summary In all honesty a likeable club that puts a lot of faith in youth products and is the complete opposite of many clubs in terms of loyalty and long-term trust. Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Not as inspiring as they used to be, which is understandable given how they are bled dry season after season. Still, they are entertaining to watch. Rarely win high, rarely lose high. Overview Continuity is what they preach in Freiburg, having had Christian Streich as their manager since 2011. That doesn’t just feel like a long time ago, it’s really been nine years already. Yes, we’re all getting old, better get used to it. Anyway. They don’t often win games against big clubs, but they are good for an upset every now and then, as demonstrated by their 2-1 victory against Leipzig on MD9. Will Freiburg win a title this season? No. They’ve dropped out of the DFB-Pokal after the second round, losing 1-3 to promoted side Union Berlin. No one expected them to challenge for the title, but going out like that hurts nonetheless. Will they win a title next season? Also no. But who knows, if they reap a particularly promising generation of youth prospects, keep key players, and the competition struggles, they might get lucky and land on an international spot. Something that could very well happen this season, looking at their 8th place, tied on points with Wolfsburg. Not that it would be the first time in recent history. In 13/14, they came third in the Europa League group stage, and in 17/18, they lost in the third qualifying round against, uh, Domžale. Not the best record of all, but you take what you can get, right? Fun fact: Premier League legends Francis Coquelin and Papiss Demba Cissé once played for Freiburg. Thank you to /u/zi76 for reminding me that Çağlar Söyüncü also played for Freiburg quite recently. They also had a player under contract called Alain Junior Ollé Ollé, a name too glorious to withhold from you. Who to watch? Luca Waldschmidt arguably was their standout player last season. He surely has a fine career ahead of him, but it’s centre-back Robin Koch you should keep an eye on. He’s 23 years old, yet far from having reached his full potential. Rumours linking him to Leipzig or Napoli didn’t just come out of nowhere. TSG Hoffenheim Short Summary When Leipzig is too mainstream and successful, and Wolfsburg just too damn green. You also like your sugar daddy on the older side. Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Whatever their new manager Alfred Schreuder has cooked up. The madman will try anything and doesn’t play by your rules, man! Overview No, seriously, he’s utterly bonkers. He fielded Kevin Akpoguma, a centre-back, on the left wing against Mainz. Coincidentally, Hoffenheim lost that one 1-5 despite Mainz being down a player for the complete second half. You could say that particular trick didn’t quite work out. Or take Robert Skov, who tore apart the Danish league as a right winger, so now he’s obviously a left-back. Hoffenheim under Schreuder is a bag full of surprises, which is classically entertaining as an outsider and, I assume, masochistically entertaining as a Hoffenheim fan. And despite all of that, they’ve beat both Dortmund and Bayern 2-1 each 一 a loss Bayern avenged in true fashion by winning their second fixture against Hoffenheim 6-0 and also catapulting them out of the Pokal. They be wildin’ down in the south of Germany. What’s that? International matches? But of course! They were defeated by Liverpool in the Champions League play-offs in 17/18 and subsequently crashed out of the Europa League group stage last of their group. Next season, they were last of their group again, but that was in the Champions League, so arguably slightly less painful. Fun fact: during their second match against Bayern, Bayern ultras raised banners insulting Hoffenheim’s sugar daddy Dietmar Hopp as a means to criticise the DFB (as well as Hopp). Lots of drama followed, but let’s approach this pragmatically. The basic issue, for the most part, was ultras displaying disparaging banners. Now that no fans will be allowed inside the stadiums, no banners will be raised, therefore there’s no reason to dwell on this whole debacle any longer. Who to watch? Christoph Baumgartner is a good, young midfielder, I guess. Personally, I have high hopes for Jacob Bruun Larsen, a promising winger who has yet to demonstrate his talent for Hoffenheim. Let’s pray Alfred Schreuder won’t try and turn him into a keeper. 1. FC Köln Short Summary If you like the carnival, Köln could be just the club for degenerates like you! Plus, they’ve got a live goat named Hennes at every home match. Current kit. Aww, he’s actually their mascot. Playing Style Terrible under their previous manager Achim Beierlorzer, surprisingly refreshing and enjoyable under Markus Gisdol. Won’t blow your socks off, won’t satisfy tactic nerds, but it usually makes for good matches. Overview Starting the season with a record of two wins, one draw and a whopping eight losses, Köln unsurprisingly found themselves in 17th place (yes, one team achieved being even worse). Their defense was shambolic, their offense toothless, and they were devoid of any positive energy. Thus, Achim Beierlorzer was thrown out and replaced by Markus Gisdol. The first action was met with widespread approval, the latter was either ridiculed or sincerely questioned. Gisdol didn’t stand for passionate (attacking) football, something Köln fans wanted their team to display. He didn’t even stand for winning, as he’d shown in Hamburg. But boy howdy did he deliver. After some growing pains, Köln resuscitated themselves and rose to their current, very respectable 10th place. As it stands, they should be clear of the relegation struggle and finish comfortably in the middle of the table. They are also one of the teams booted out of the DFB-Pokal by Saarbrücken. At least they can find solace in the fact they’re not the only Bundesliga side to suffer that fate, as we shall see. And Christmas has come early, because you don’t get just one, but two (and a half) fun facts: Köln’s highest win this season was a 5-0 against Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin, who spent more than 70 million € last winter. Furthermore, they beat Arsenal 1-0 in the Europa League group stage in 17/18, coming third overall. Perhaps of interest: Köln finished that season dead last in the league, trailing 17th placed Hamburg by nine points. Who to watch? Finally banging goals like it ain’t no thang, Jhon Cordoba has grown to be a fan favourite after being branded a failure and one of the worst signings in Köln’s recent history. Just look at him, he’s got such a loveable face. And he’s super shredded. How could you not like that guy? 1. FC Union Berlin Short Summary You want to support an East German club without being a pretentious, arrogant poopybutt about it. Or you like underdogs. Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Not as destructive as many feared, not an attacking powerhouse. Very organised and disciplined, every player gives his all for the team. Sometimes a bit too rough. Overview This is Union’s first ever Bundesliga season, and honestly, they’re not too shabby. It all started when, on MD3, they beat Dortmund 3-1, a small miracle they could only shortly celebrate as they went on to lose the next four matches. It’s been up and down ever since, winning some and losing more, but overall they’re currently sitting in a cosy 11th place. Most of the entertainment value of their matches is derived from their being the clear underdog, rising up against sheer impossible odds to fight for all that is good and holy in football. Or, you know, just being a small club with a tight budget surrounded by bigger clubs with marginally less tight budgets (discounting Schalke). Fun fact: They won the local derby against Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin. This isn’t exactly the longest entry, is it? Well, did you know that Hennes has his own Wikipedia entry? He even has a Japanese one, for whatever reason. Such a marvelous goat. Who to watch? Picking just one feels wrong. On the one hand, they don’t have that singular stand-out player who outperforms them all and carries them on his shoulders; Union’s success is a collective effort through and through. On the other hand, since there is no stand-out performer, how do you pick one people should follow? So I’ll simply take three. Rafał Gikiewicz has shown again and again that he’s a damn good keeper and could thus far genuinely be considered their player of the season, when push comes to shove. 34-year-old Christian Gentner proves that he’s still got it, and Sebastian Andersson appears to be a capable striker Union will never be able to hold on to over the summer. Unless the pandemic does more pandemic-things. Eintracht Frankfurt Short Summary They have a golden eagle by the name of Attila at their home games, which is pretty bitchin’. Other than that, if you enjoy coming this close to consistent greatness yet failing to grasp it, possibly losing your chance for years to come. Current kit. What a nifty bird. Playing Style Under Niko Kovač, Frankfurt had a reputation of being a bunch of ruffians and ankle breakers. The appointment of new manager Adi Hütter was seen as the next step in their evolution to becoming a bigger club, one that would cement itself among the Europa League spots while always dreaming of making it to the Champions League. After all, they won the DFB-Pokal in 17/18 against Bayern. Under Hütter’s tenure, officials and fans alike hoped Frankfurt would progress towards more dynamic attacking football, which has yet to fully come to fruition. Offensively alright if nothing special, their charm lies in their regularly shitting the bed in defense. Overview Last season’s front three of Sébastien Haller, Luka Jović and Ante Rebić won over the hearts of football fans all over Germany and Europe. Nicknamed the Büffelherde, or herd of buffalo, they enraptured fans, stoked fear in opposing defenders, and, as is tradition, brought in the big cheques during the summer transfer window. The obvious question loomed over Frankfurt: could they replace their three main attackers? Short answer: eh. Long answer: nah. They brought in Bas Dost, André Silva and Dejan Joveljić, while also hoping for Gonçalo Paciência to step up. The latter has been Frankfurt’s most prolific scorer thus far, accumulating seven goals, and as one can infer from that number alone, a goal-scoring beast Frankfurt is not. Dost has scored five goals, Silva a grand total of four. Their second-highest scorer? With six goals, it’s centre-back Martin Hinteregger. Frankfurt are a wholly unpredictable team. They’ll yeet Niko Kovač out of Munich by squarely beating them 5-1 on MD10, only to lose every single match but one until (including) MD17. You read that right. After beating big ol’ Bayern on 2 November, they didn’t win once in the league for the rest of the year. It’s been marginally better since then, but not by a lot, hence their rightfully earned 12th place. But they are in the DFB-Pokal semi-finals, where they will have another go at Bayern, and even though they fluffed the first leg of the Europa League Ro16 against Basel by losing 0-3 at home (a match I sincerely, 100% forgot existed), they’re not out of there yet. If there’s one thing Frankfurt is good at, it’s pulling the rug out from under you to surprise you. Too bad they’re oftentimes surprising themselves, as well. Who to watch? Sebastian Rode is a God among men, the king of kings. His stint at Dortmund was a massive failure, but he’s back with a vengeance to show he’s got what it takes, and he will prove it once and for all. Next weekend! ON THE GRANDEST STAGE OF THEM ALL! AT WRESTLEMANIA!!! Honourable mention goes to Filip Kostić, who was good for Stuttgart, poor for Hamburg, and is living his best life at Frankfurt. He protec, he attac, but most importantly, he learned how to play left wing-bac.

I found an amusing overview of the teams of the Bundesliga, which returns tomorrow. (BT sports are showing all games, I think?) I'm looking forward to seeing some football, no matter how strange. FC Bayern München Short Summary The ruling club in Germany, they’re the team to pick if you like success by proxy and/or infighting. Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Dominant. Confident. Possession-based. Can tear apart anyone on a good day. Overview Bayern went into the season with their beloved manager Niko Kovač. After all, they won the domestic double the previous season, how could anyone think he could not be the right man for the job? It all started about as well as few people expected and many hoped: a 2-2 draw against Big City ClubTM Hertha Berlin. A 6-1 beating of Mainz on MD3 was followed by a 1-1 draw against one of the designated contenders for the league title, RB Leipzig. Talk about being off to a rocky start. Two close victories against underdogs barely known in Europe 一 3-2 against Paderborn and 7-2 against Tottenham in the Champions League 一 saw the common Bayern fan’s mind torn. League performances varied wildly, oscillating from good performances to shoddy ones, whereas the thrashing of Tottenham elevated them to the hallowed spots of “serious contender for the title”, for whatever reason. Fans all over wondered whether Kovač could rise to the occasion and transform an undoubtedly highly talented squad into the unstoppable machine everyone either loved or feared. Those musings were cut short when Bayern lost to Hoffenheim four days after their Champions League gala and drew against Augsburg. It was decided in the public’s eye: Kovač had to go. Bayern’s top dogs persisted, for the time being. A scruffy 2-1 victory against promoted side Union Berlin certainly wasn’t the convincing display they had hoped for, however. But it all changed when the Hessian nation attacked. Dominating a collapsing Bayern side, Kovač’ former club Frankfurt comfortably won 5-1 and cut his tenure at the Bavarian side short. His assistant manager, Hansi Flick, took his spot and quickly restored the club to its former glory. Bayern’s incredible record across all competitions since that fabled day: 18 wins, one draw, two losses. Four points clear domestically of second-placed Dortmund, facing Frankfurt again in the DFB-Pokal semi-final, and having beaten Chelsea 3-0 in the first leg of the Champion’s League Ro16, another double is ripe for the taking, and they are among the closest candidates for the Champions League trophy. Who to watch? In a team of superstars, one youngster outshines them all. Despite Robert Lewandowski scoring goal after goal, despite Thiago being a midfield maestro, it’s the 19-year-old Alphonso Davies you should watch. Arguably among the best left-backs in Europe already despite clearly having lots of room left for improvement, it’s a joy to witness him on the field. Raw, yet so good already. Borussia Dortmund Short Summary The team to choose when you like surprises and suffering. Will they play entertaining, fluent attacking football, or will they behave like eleven developmentally challenged donkeys? Nobody knows! Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Ideally: Confident, making it look easy, creative. Young talents tearing it up. Realistically: Like the above until they score the lead, then they drop back and poop their pants hoping the smell will stop the opponent from attacking. Overview Having thrown away their best chance at the league title in years, manager Lucien Favre was under a lot of pressure. To make it short: he hasn’t failed spectacularly so far, although he’s come close several times. Dropping out of the DFB-Pokal against Bremen who, as we shall see, are among the worst teams currently in the league, and crashing out of the Champions League against PSG right before the pandemic-related shutdown, it’s tough to see how Dortmund’s season could not be considered a failure already. Even the league looked dire in the first leg, Dortmund only placing fourth. But with the arrival of Erling Haaland and Emre Can, and a formational switch to a 3-4-3, they successfully turned it around and went on to win all league games in the second leg bar one. Now in second place overall, they can focus purely on the league and properly challenge Bayern. Who to watch? While Erling Haaland’s impact can’t be denied and Jadon Sancho is an amazing player, Julian Brandt has that special spark. He’s a man of outstanding, magical moments, and he makes it seem so easy. If the pure footballing joy he oozes doesn’t reach your heart, you’ve never truly loved football. RB Leipzig Short Summary Anyone who’s ever visited a thread vaguely about Leipzig knows one thing: they’re either the saviour of German football, or Satan incarnate. If you like being edgy on the internet (or want a mascot that’s basically just a fursuit), you know what to do. Current kit. Mascot. Playing style Quick, energetic, highly tactical. Can easily steamroll their opponent. Overview It didn’t take them long to find their footing under their new manager Julian Nagelsmann. Going into the winter break in the top spot, they definitively proved to be among the best in German football. They would have gone through to the Champions League quarter-finals by now, if it weren’t for that pesky virus. Not everything’s sunshine and merriment in East Germany, but let’s get back to football. In the league’s second leg, Leipzig’s performance has dropped significantly, with a record of 3 wins, 4 draws and 1 loss. A mixed bag of results, certainly not terrible but not enough if they want to challenge for the title, and consequently they’ve dropped down to third place, one point behind Dortmund. Who to watch? Many thought Dani Olmo, their record (winter) transfer, would push them to the next level. So far, however, he has underperformed majorly. The standout player to me is Christopher Nkunku, who has shown brilliant technical abilities and amassed 14 assists already. One of the many amazing young French players. Borussia Mönchengladbach Short Summary For when you want to smugly say, “No, not that one, the other Borussia. Have you heard about them?” Current kit. Mascot. Playing Style Strong on counters, very physical, extreme pressing. Very hit or miss whether they show up in terms of performance and attitude. Also quite wasteful with their chances. Overview As is a trend among the Bundesliga top teams, Gladbach is also under a new tenure, with Marco Rose coming in from RB Salzburg to replace Dieter Hecking. Throughout the season, they have shown glimpses of what they’re capable of, e.g. by defeating Bayern or Roma in the Europa League. Couple that with baffling losses, as seen in their defeat against promoted Union Berlin or the quite frankly embarrassing 0-4 against Wolfsberger AC in their Europa League opening match, and you have a good impression of how their season has progressed thus far. Marco Rose’s tactics don’t always come to fruition and the squad is lacking in creative players while also still having to adapt to Rose’s style, but their matches usually are very entertaining to watch with their attacking prowess and defensive mishaps. If they manage to fully embrace Rose’s tactics and iron out the kinks, they could very well be a regular in the Champions League. Who to watch? The way Marcus Thuram proficiently dribbles in tight spaces despite his size is astonishing to watch, no matter how often he just swoops past defenders. A joy to watch. Bayer 04 Leverkusen Short Summary You like winning matches, but not titles. Current kit. Whatever the hell this is. Playing Style Boszball, baby! Super high possession, lots and lots of passes. Sometimes on the boring side since it’s much less suicidal than his stint at Dortmund. Overview Leverkusen, always good enough to win silverware, yet constantly failing to live up to the deserved expectations. Their talented squad 一 Kai Havertz, Leon Bailey, Moussa Diaby, Jonathan Tah, Paulinho, to name some 一 didn’t have the greatest set of pre-season friendlies. The outlook was dire, Peter Bosz was down for the count before the season had even really begun. But they persevered and are now in fifth place. After winning a whopping two matches in the Champions League group stage and losing the rest, they are very close to reaching Europa League quarter-finals after defeating Glasgow Rangers 3-1. Facing fourth division side Saarbrücken in the DFB-Pokal semi-final, their hope for finally winning something is as high as ever. They also won one of the arguably most thrilling league matches of the season, a spectacular 4-3 against Dortmund. Fun fact: in their Champions League opening match against Moscow, Leverkusen had 78% possession and racked up a whopping 874 passes (according to whoscored). Nevertheless, they lost 1-2. Who to watch? It took him a while to get regular playing time, but good performances helped Moussa Diaby secure his spot in the starting eleven. As is tradition for French talents, his technical skill is exceptional. Of course, if you want to watch a future worldie, there’s always Kai Havertz. FC Schalke 04 Short Summary Listen to your heart. If what you hear is the low drone of misery, loathing and pain, and you’d like to see that reflected in your football team of choice, then Schalke is the burning garbage pile of your dreams. Current kit. Existence is pain. Playing Style Started off decently enough after former manager Tedesco’s disaster defensive style, but have regressed to passivity, hoping for Amine Harit to do something, anything. Overview They won four of their first six league fixtures, resulting in plenty of talk about the Malocher Club’s resurgence. That didn’t pan out, though. In the league’s second leg, they drew four matches and lost three, with only one win. Ten points behind fifth placed Leverkusen, no one in Gelsenkirchen is talking about the title, and after losing to Bayern in the Pokal, it appears their sole focus this season lies on finishing in international spots. I asked a Schalke fan what it’s like to be a follower of the royal blues. He said, “There is the solitude of suffering, when you go through darkness that is lonely, intense, and terrible. Words become powerless to express your pain; what others hear from your words is so distant and different from what you are actually suffering.” Small black bugs crawled out of his ears as he uttered these words in the voice of a thousand wailing souls. They gnawed at his flesh right before my eyes, yet he didn’t scream, didn’t blink. He seemed almost relieved. I inquired further about his views on football in general. He answered, “We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.” It was then that the torrent of bugs halted. All was quiet bar his pained wheeze. Birds had been chirping outside; they were silent now, as was the wind. Slowly, he sank to the ground, engulfed in a colourless liquid. Finally, he was free of this mortal coil. Fun fact: in their last match against Bayern, they accumulated a total of 116 successful passes. Bayern’s Joshua Kimmich alone had 155. Who to watch? The most fun any Schalke player has provided this season is Alexander Nübel, future goalkeeper of Bayern and a sensational talent par excellence. Not that his replacement was any better.

I'd love Rangers to turn down future allocations for all the clubs who voted No or abstained. I realise this won't happen and understand why people would disagree but it'd be the ultimate "Up yours!".

Fixed that for you.

The Gibson Street Festival in Glasgow had been running for a number of years so back in 2012 we decided to hire a stall to promote our wonderful Founders/Rangers story which of course is an integral part of the history of Glasgow, additionally Founder Peter McNeil had lived on Gibson Street for a few years.The stall was hugely popular, we sold a lot of Trail tickets,gave out information on the history of our Club and raised a lot of money for charity. Just prior to the 2013 event I was asked to a meeting with the organisers who informed me that they were withdrawing our stall as they’d received a couple of calls and emails stating that the Festival shouldn’t be linked with “a sectarian organisation such as Rangers”. I laughed, then quickly realised they were serious so in turn I advised the event planners to expect a busy couple of days and to keep their office phone switched on. I posted the news around that we were being banned and sure enough a tsunami of rage hit them that hard that they rang me and asked me to get people to stop calling and emailing them. The Evening Times then got involved, ran the story which prompted the much larger West End Festival organisers to step in and offer us a stall at their event which we gladly accepted. So, thanks to the bitter, twisted mind of the Tims our stall at the 2013 and 2014 West End Festival raised three times the amount of money for the Founders Trail via ticket and merchandise sales and also a load of cash for charity. Everyone likes a happy ending. ? who is superman in man of steel who is superman in man of steel